easy like one of those mornings

May 05, 2014

hasn't quite been the same
tho...
it hasn't quite been that different
i think i just keep remembering smells
and i know that blood moon is still around

i just think we belong at the top of the world

May 05, 2014

why must i float
i was asking again
why can't i just sit
or root like a tree
why must i rise
not rest, not content
the tops twirl and twinkle
the gears grinded grime
i stretch curve revolve revolve
but way way up high

maybe

May 05, 2014

maybe
because my words sounded ugly
because the seasons crackled crumbled
because the locks were changed
because the shelves rearranged
because the adverbs fucked the adjectives
because the semicolon stood alone
because the clever was in costume
because the articulate were slapped in the face
because the before was annoying
because the after was terrible
because I was here sooner
and I was here later
maybe,
yeah, because,
uh,
maybe I don't get to be a poet anymore

pragmatic, ya know

May 05, 2014

almost like breathing but easier but cleaner

almost like bleeding but eerier but coarser

almost like breaking but eagerer but crazier

almost like boasting but eviler but colder

fragility convulsed on the brink of her first original idea

reassurance as propaganda or so she thought

the air she smelled missed photosynthesis

she did too

her contradictions convinced her she was interesting

her needs were as needy as everyone else’s

happiness hugged remorse

confusion killed impulse

fear fucked balance

the time was her time and she begged it to stay

September 07, 2013

Play 1: up for grabs

A series of tableaus. Men with various chairs. The Host makes his way around to each tableau, lots of light, energy, spectacle. Like a game show meets auction show, an auction show of chairs.

Host: And you sir, what's this ya got here?

#1: Oh this, my good pal, is what I'll be offerin' up today... and nice and sturdy rocking chair. A good ol' fashioned rocking chair.

Host: A rocking chair! How novel! Tell us more!

#1: Well, it is a high quality oak that was actually grown in my own hometown. A settled type of chair, a dependable in its simplicity type of chair.

Host: A helluva chair!

#1: Dare I say it, but yes a helluva chair.

Host: So tell us why it's up on the docket today if it's such a fine chair.

#1: Well, pal, if we're being frank, which I'm gonna go ahead and assume we are, I'm bored! Bored stiff! I just want a new goddamn chair, know what I'm sayin'?

Host: I sure do! Any takers get right on that line, the numbers at the bottom of your screen. Now folks, we got a lotta chairs to see today! Whoooo's next?

#2: Oh hello hello good afternoon hello.

Host: Hello to you, mister.

#2: Right er can I tell you about um what I um brought on the show today?

Host: I think that's what you're required to do!

#2: Haha. Oh er right. So I brought this um recliner.

Host: Looks like a fine fine recliner indeed.

#2: Oh it most certainly is. Kinda thing that had always been around my family growing, I mean um ya know ya always want a good recliner. Helps ya relax, get comfy, er ya know?

Host: Not a bad way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

#2: Er um exactly. Yeah exacly.

Host: So what brings you on our program today then?

#2: Oh er um do I have to answer that, was that on the agreement?

Host: Um, well, you've done a satisfactory job of making this awkward...

#2: Um okay sorry well I um just don't really see a need for chairs anymore.

Host:... No more chairs.

#2: Uh chairs aren't for everybody.

Host: Oh certainly not. Okay folks again, see those ten numbers... see anything ya like, you let us know! Alright, let's see..

#3: Yo. Sup.

Host: Well hello. What is up?

#3: Yeah I'm tryin to get rid of this fuckin thing.

Host: Oh my. Well you know that you're being recorded to try and get someone else to buy this “thing”... so you might want to dress it up a little bit.

#3: Oh I think it's plenty dressed up. Look at this thing. All this armchair gets is attention. Anyone that comes over... just entranced by the thing. It's a fuckin distraction. I can't take it.

Host: Holy something, it is rather beautiful, isn't it?

#3: See! This is what I'm fuckin talkin about.

Host: I didn't mean to offend, sir, sorry, I just... really was enamored by the beauty here. I mean, the details, the finishings, it's rather astounding.

#3: YES. I KNOW. I KNOW ABOUT THE FUCKIN DETAILS. CAN YOU JUST GET RID OF IT FOR ME?

Host: Oh, I see the lines are actually already blowing up for this gorgeous gorgeous creature. Excellent. NEXT UP!

#4: Hi hi helllllo. Excited to be here.

Host: Alright we're back folks, that's what I like to hear.

#4: Yeah, man, totally. Anyway, I got this elegant little piece here. This Victorian parlor chair.

Host: That is a lovely little accent piece. So fine. So frail. I see why you can get drawn to it.

I gotta be honest, though sir, looks a little... fragile.

#4: Well, yes, that's sort of the problem. But it's lovely. Can we say once again that it's lovely. I really don't like to go to long without reminding it that it's really the prettiest chair in the room.

Host: Well, there is stiff competition in here today...

#4: Dude. Can you just lie, please?

Host: Lovely. Lovely indeed. Okay. I believe we have one more to see today.

#5: Hey man, how's it going?

Host: Going great. What have you got for use here, hello.

#5: Yeah it's a hamburger beanbag.

Host: A hamburger beanbag! That thing is hilarious!

#5: It's pretty awesome.

Host: That thing is definitely awesome. Oh, nice and comfy too. Damn man, what's wrong with it?

#5: Well...

Host: What is it? Seems great to me...

#5: Well, I mean... it's a hamburger beanbag.

Host: So?

#5: Come on, man. Don't make me do this.

Host: Do what, sir? I'm just curious.

#5: If you don't get it... well, you should take it home.

Host: Well, let's be real here, I can't just call dibs on whatever chair I see I like. Cuz let me tell you... I could have a LOT of chairs. But I first must open up the phone lines... here we go folks, last chance today. Thank you so much for tuning in today. Again in review on today's program, lines are still open folks, we had a sturdy rocking chair, a fabulous recliner, a breathtaking arm chair, a Victorian treat and of course we can't forget, my personal favorite... the beanba-

During the wrap up speech, #5 can be seen slowly breaking down, crying, freaking, and eventually taking a knife and tearing apart the hamburger beanbag. The Host turns around just as he finishes his speech to #5 relentlessly tearing up the chair as the lights fade.

Play 2: compatibility

S and B always face front, split the stage. They are respectively telling their story to someone asking, but rather to the audience. They are active story tellers. S1 and B1 exist in the very center of the stage. They are very very still.

S: My plan back fired.

S1: I remember the reflection. The angle. The sun.

S: My plan back fired.

S1: I remember the jokes. The set ups. The punch lines.

S: Things did not go as planned.

S1: I remember my top eyelid hitting my bottom eyelid.

S: Things did not go as planned.

S1: I remember my heart touching my ribcage.

S: It had started so quickly. It was one of those summers that just gets pushed onto you. Like just one day you notice you're a little weighed down and then all of a sudden you can feel the whole season on your back. I was here and he was there. I was here and he was there. It was quick and heavy, like I said.

B: I don't know if I'd use the word perfect.

B1: I lost something in the translation.

B: I don't know if I'd use the word perfect.

B1: I got distracted by, there were lots of distractions.

B: By this point, I said fuck it.

B1: I couldn't pay attention, okay?

B: By this point, I said fuck it.

B1: I couldn't understand, okay?

B: I was used to something a little different, alright? I wasn't ready for, for what happened. It wasn't quite what I wanted; it wasn't at all what I wanted.

S: I reached for the air, from the bottom of the pool, I begged for the air to come back. I begged and I pleaded and I asked for another minute. Another breath. I was shaking in the warmth, wallowing in the freneticism I had created.

B: She was there. She was fine. It was hot. Oh, it was hot.

S: I was ready to break boundaries. I was ready for my debut. I had it all under control.

B: I wasn't obligated, ya know. I was being nice.

S: I was sure I'd done it. I'm telling you, I was anew.

B: Well and ya know, one thing led to another. But she was, she wasn't what I wanted.

S: I really thought I could be that type.

S1: I remember everything.

S: I thought that maybe I could make something could mean something.

S1: But what if but what if but what if

B: It was like it all mattered too much.

B1: I mean, really.

B: Like it all had to mean something. Like we couldn't just sit and be okay.

B1: I mean, shut up.

S1: I remember everything.

B1: I mean, shut up.

S1: I remember everything.

B1: I mean, shut up.

B1 and S1 move for the first time as they repeat this, getting gradually louder, and circling each other in a special center stage. They keep going for the remainder of the play.

S: I'm sick of people thinking I'm crazy.

B: It was just too much, ya know.

S: I'm not naïve, ya know.

B: She wasn't too much the way most girls are too much.

S: I don't know how else to feel.

B: It's just not worth it, ya know, to love a poet.

Play 3: sexual healing

Him and Her are banging.

Him: Are you, um, enjoying yourself?

Her: What?

Him: Are you enjoying yourself?

Her: Um, yeah.

Him: Are you sure?

Her: Yeah. Yes. No, yeah, I totally am.

Him: Well could you maybe... participate here? I mean, give me something.

Her: Oh shit, I'm so sorry. I'm just quiet. I'm really quiet.

Him: Well, it's making me feel like you're asleep.

Her: I'm not asleep. I'm obviously awake.

Him: Right. Yeah, it's hyperbole.

Her: Oh, haha, at first I was thinking hyperbola, not hyperbole. Haha.

Him: Is this like, a normal experience for you right now?

Her: What do you mean?

Him: I mean, this is really weird sex.

Her: Oh, I kinda abandoned hope for normalcy in any aspect of my life a long time ago.

Him: So this isn't weirding you out?

Her: Not really. Is it weirding you out?

Him: Yeah kinda.

Her: Well, we probably won't have sex again.

Him: No, probably not.

Her: Does that bother you?

Him: Oh God, are you attached? Please tell me you're not one of those girls.

Her: Ugh see, this is what's wrong with the world.

Him: What? All those fucking Kate Hudson movies and fucking Twilight have disillusioned you women to think that everything is all romance and roses and blah blah, but this is just sex, okay?

Her: Wow. Really original. My poor woman brain, fantasizing about my Prince Charming. And god damn it, why am I think only person in the world who wants to have sex with a person I like.

Him: Oh god, see this is what I mean...

Her: No. I get it. Sex is just sex, our primal needs blah blah blah... but I just can't get into the fucking just to fuck thing. If I can't stand to be in the room with you, I don't want your fucking dick in me. And unfortunately, I can't stand most people. And any that I happen to consider candidates to put their dick in me, well they always have girlfriends. Girlfriends that are never me. And sure I could hook up with every creep that stops me on the street, I could certainly fuck those who grace me with their attention, and because of their instant objectification I'm supposed to feel obligated in some way to them, or I could just use them, right, power as a slut, super empowering. I don't want to fucking marry you, I don't even believe in marriage, but then tonight was actually a pretty nice evening, I actually had a great time, and so this is like the first time I've fucked in a while because I just can't do the normal fuck and go like everyone else because I get trapped in my head and freak out and I'd love to just bang everything but I dunno, I'm just not like everyone else. Not to mention pregnancy and STDs and fucking cancer. You can get cancer from just fucking the wrong person. So I don't know what exactly I'm supposed to do, I just, I just, I just (She finally shuts up, they finish together).

Him: Yeah, I'd recommend you stick with the really quiet bit. (He kisses her.) It's okay, ya know. (He stares at her hard. He kisses her again.)

Play 4: what's wrong

Ali and Some Boy are walking upstage to downstage, holding hands. He freezes.

Ali: I spent all summer getting high and listening to weird music, like latino club hits like Biggie album after Biggie album like Snoop Lion, it's reggae, get into it. I partied. I went to San Francisco by myself. I got another tattoo. I sat and thought about why I was fucked up. I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me because something was wrong with me, even though I knew that there shouldn't be anything wrong. I was in my brain and I was really trapped there. I knew once I let go I could have it all. The problem was, I couldn't let go.

Some Boy unfreezes, they keep walking, Ali begins to sob.

Some Boy: What do you need?

Ali: I don't need anything

Some Boy: How can I help you?

Ali: You can't.

Some Boy: Why are you sad?

Ali: (shakes head)

Some Boy: What is it? Why are you sad?

Ali: (shakes head)

Some Boy: You were just fine. Are you hurt?

Ali: It's fine. Okay? Really... I'm fine.

Some Boy: Then stop bawling.

Ali: I'm just, it's just...

Some Boy: What?

Ali: I'm fine.

Some Boy: You don't get to do this.

Ali: Do what?

Some Boy: You don't get to do this to me.

Ali: Do what?

Some Boy: You are sobbing in the street here. Sporadically. One second normal, next second weeping. And all I get is that you can't be helped and that you're fine. You're not fine. Something is clearly wrong with you.

Ali: It's not me, it's lots of-

Some Boy: Ya know, lots is wrong with lots of people. Don't act like you're so broken and original.

Ali: Wow.

Some Boy: What?

Ali: Fuck you, man.

Some Boy: I'm trying to help you.

Ali: I DON'T NEED HELP. I NEEDED TO CRY FOR A MINUTE.

Some Boy: BUT WHY?

Ali: Why do I have to explain this to you?

Some Boy: Because, Ali, crying requires a heightened sense of emotion. This heightened sense of emotion is triggered by something. We weren't talking about your parents divorce, we weren't talking about your friends dying, we were talking about Breaking Bad. The fact you're giving me no insight into what the fuck is going on in that brain of yours makes me believe you have no trust in me whatsoever, that I'm somehow not worth your problems.

Ali: My problems have nothing to do with you. Or this. I'm not even crying about my problems.

Some Boy: What? They have nothing to do with me? God damnit, girl, when are you gonna fucking get it?

Ali: Get what?

Some Boy: I want all your problems. I want all your secrets. I want it all.

Ali: I don't really know that you do.

Some Boy: I'M TELLING YOU I DO.

Ali: You really want to know?

Some Boy: Yes.

Ali: I was crying because I saw that, um, ya know I can't explain it, I, I... I just, I had to.

Some Boy: (long stare)

Ali: I'm sorry. I, I...

(he begins to leave, freezes)

Ali: I gotta stop crying impulsively for the human condition. There's really no explanation... and it sure seems to get me into a lot of trouble. I want a world where I cry when I want to cry and no one gets mad. I want a world where I don't get sad when I'm happy. I want a world where mother's don't get left by their children, where nobody hangs their head as others pass, where an imperfection in the sidewalk doesn't set me off into ballistics. I want to save the world. I think I'll save the world.

Play 5: tickled

Server 1: A man tickled me.

Server 2: What?

Server 1: A man at my table. He tickled me.

Server 2: What man? What table?

Server 1: Table 21. That party. That grown ass man. Seat six.

Server 2: Who's the woman?

Server 1: I'm not sure. Definitely could be his wife. I don't know. So, I was getting the dessert order and the man ordered a hot fudge sundae but instead of vanilla ice cream he wanted chocolate peanut butter and that sounded really good so I got excited for him and I was like nodding my head after he ordered, like yeahhhh you do want that sundae and he was like laughing at my response and he reached out and tickled me.

Server 2: Like how?

Server 1: Like this. (She reaches out and like full on tickles his knee, and up and down from the knee) And obviously I was uncomfortable so I just kinda looked around and walked away. And he kept tickling the side of my leg.

Server 2: That's really weird.

Server 1: It IS really weird, isn't it?

Server 2: Yes.... did he tip well?

Server 1: 18%.

Server 2: Damn. Must not have been a very satisfying tickle.

Server 1: Rude.

Server 2: Whatever.

Server 1: Hey, can I get sauvingnon blanc? (exits)

Server 3: What's up?

Server 2: She got tickled.

Server 3: haha, weird. So this lady goes, right as I approach the table, first approach, “okay so I need a half of a ravioli for her right away” and she points at her little baby.

Server 2: Ok

Server 3: And I was like oh I'm so sorry ma'am, we don't do a half order of our ravioli and she goes “um, she's a baby...she's not going to eat the whole thing.” I was like riiiiight, sure, but we still don't make a half order of the ravioli. How bout a half gnocci cunt?

Server 2: Right, I'll just take half a pilsner and three quarters of the calamari.

Server 3: Ugh, I know right. And of course everything went perfect, I was the sweetest, 35 on 250.

Server 2: Fuck that noise. Later. (exits)

Server 1: God damnit, are we all out of soda glasses?

Server 3: Here, yo, there's one right here.

Server 1: oh awesome, thank you, I do notttt have time to rack that shit.

Server 3: Heard you got tickled?

Server 1: Um, I DID get tickled.

Server 3: How do you respond to that?

Server 1: I just like walked away.

Server 4: Sooooooo, this just happened. Some bitch ordered a chicken salad with the dressing on the side. And when it came out with dressing on it, she cried. She cried.

Server 3: She cried? (exits)

Server 4: Cried.

Server 1: What the fuck?

Server 4: Apparently, she started thinking about how many calories she ingested and she started to cry.

Server 1: Tears?

Server 4: Very serious tears.

Server 1: I can't. I just can't. (exits)

Server 2: She tell you about getting tickled?

Server 4: Um, no.

Server 2: Oh she got tickled. Dude, did you see that dude flip out?

Server 4: No, where?

Server 2: From the back dining room.

Server 4: Oh I'm all the way up front, I just rang this in to the wrong bar.

Server 2: Oh well, apparently the guy ordered a strip, like a New York strip, but who ever his server was heard shrimp, so a grilled shrimp came out and he flipped his shit. He was screaming at servers, managers, he actually shoved someone. Flipping, asking where the fuck his steak was. Flipping out.

Server 4: We just do not get paid enough for dealing with this nonsense.

Server 2: I just can't figure out how people think restaurants run. Cuz they're run by people. By human beings. (exits)

Server 1: Oh man, so earlier...

Server 4: Did you get tickled?

Server 1: God damnit I just want to tell my own story. Oh by the way I heard about the deluxe.

Server 4: Oh you mean my 65 dollar seafood deluxe that requested on it for no clams and extra oysters that got sent out to a table as a BURGER DELUXE.

Server 1: How was it cooked?

Server 4: MEDIUM RARE (exits)

Server 5: Oh my god. I didn't know you were starving. Oh well why didn't you say something. I was just holding all your food in the back, for like, a while now, but shit now that I know you're starving, let me send that right out. Oh, so about that tickler...

Server 1: Why does everyone know this?

Server 5: Did you get a number at least?

Server 1: I didn't want a number.

Server 2: So this really beautiful girl left me her number, but it's like... what's the best way to tell her how nice and pretty I think she is, but that I'm gay.

Server 1: You're gonna respond?

Server 2: Well I don't want her to be embarrassed.

Server 5: But it's kinda embarrassing regardless cuz she left her number to a gay dude.

Server 2: You don't think I should respond?

Server 1: No you totally should... you guys can get facials together.

Manager: Hey guys, so, there's a fire in one of the walls in the kitchen. So, we gotta shut down for a bit.

Server 2: What

Manager: Yup

Server 5: Oh fuck this

Server 1: Oh man I have a million people who are gonna freak out

Manager: go go off you go. Hey, wait

Server 1: Yeah?

Manager: Did you get tickled?

Play 6: top three

I used to be be the ruler.

I used to be on top.

I paid my dues.

I earned my way in.

Then all at once

Just randomly one day

-I took over.

-I belonged.

-I regulated.

-I dominated.

I became the prisoner.

I became limited.

I became finite.

When I never used to be finite.

I was boxed.

I was regulated.

-But I knew success.

-I understood success.

-Have you seen the numbers?

-Have you seen the statistics?

It all got too crowded.

So I shoved.

Pushed and shoved.

But not on the scale I used to know.

Pushed and shoved on a different scale.

Pushing and shoving on a different scale was not what I'd hoped for.

So I changed the scale.

I adjusted the scale.

*so I took over

*I was lurking all along

*I mean really, who were we kidding

*Because like look around

*And bring it on

*Look where I am

*And look what I'm doing

*I deserve the break

*I earned the break

I was hurt.

I was injured.

The break was a joke.

And where was I?

Nowhere to be found.

A joke.

And I laughed for a bit.

Laughed and laughed.

And then I got mad.

Madder and madder.

Like crazy mad.

And I tried to figure out why.

But before I could figure out why-

I organized a brawl.

An all out war.

A fight. A real fight.

-I was in, I guess.

*Fucking right. Bring that shit on.

So the plans were made.

The details were set.

And when everyone showed-

I broke down.

I really broke broke down.

To the bottom.

And I begged.

And I pleaded.

And I asked a lot of questions.

And I asked a lot of answers.

And I really pushed for compromise.

I knew that I could do it.

I knew I could.

And if I believed-

And I believed I could believe

I could convince who I needed to convince

That I could, at the end of the day-

Win.

And then I heard it.

And it sent me back.

I heard-

“what the imagination seizes as beauty must be truth”

must be truth.

And once I heard that again

-”what imagination seizes as beauty must be truth”

and again

*”What imagination seizes as beauty must be truth”

I knew.

Oh did I know.

I was on my way back up.

Play 7: suitcased

Scene 1

Colin paces the floor of his apartment. He stops and stares at the black suitcase that lays on his table. It is clearly the focal point of the room. Colin paces, stares, paces, stares, Takes out his phone, looks at it, quickly places it down next to the suitcase. He takes his time, really thinking and gradually freaking out, and finally grabs the phone again.

Colin: Yeah I've got it. Nope, I've got it right here. Okay, okay. Well where shou- oh, okay, yeah sorry sir. It's just I've been, yeah okay, sorry. Okay. Yes. Yes. Yeah. No, I understand. The Grand stop. Yes. Okay.

Colin gets hung up on. He stares at the suitcase. He dials his phone.

Colin: Dude. What the fuck is this shit? I don't think I was supposed to have this thing, they sai- Right yeah. I'm, I mean, I'm kinda nervous dude. I mean, I'm kinda freaking out. For real? I still don't see what it has to do with me... yeah, no I know. Grand. Yup, yup, just a regular ride on the L Train. Nah, I'm fine, I'm fine. Okay. Later.

Scene 2

Colin waits on the subway, holding the suitcase. He looks around, he acts nervous, he acts strange. Finally as the Grand stop emerges, he creeps over to the subway doors. The open, he steps out, looks around and steps back on the train. He steps back on the train and throws the suitcase violently at the opposing doors. He picks it up, waits for the next stop, steps out and looks around again. Again, he steps back on the train and as the doors close, he begins to punch the doors in frustration. By this time, many people on the train have begun to stare at him, but the curiosity of Darcy has been especially piqued. When Colin gets off at the next stop, Darcy follows.

Darcy: um hey!

Colin: (turning back) What?

Darcy: Are you okay?

Colin: Am I what?

Darcy: Are you okay?

Colin: What is this? Are you part of the, the thing? Is this part of it?

Darcy: Nope.

Colin: I don't believe you. Here. (thrusts the suitcase out at her)

Darcy: I'm not a part of any thing.

Colin: Riiiight. Okay, well then can I help you?

Darcy: You just seemed pretty upset on the train, I just wanted to see if you were okay.

Colin: You're trying to tell me that you got off your train because I looked upset? This is New York City, bitch, yeah fucking right. Tell me what I have to do. Tell me the next step.

Darcy: Um, I really really don't know. I guess it does seem pretty weird, now that I think about it, but I wasn't really thinking about how it would seem when I got up. Shit, yeah, this is super weird. I'm sorry, I just, I just saw you and was so curious and then I got so worried. So when you got off, I got off.

Colin: That is weird.

Darcy: What's in the suitcase?

Colin: None of your business.

Darcy: You don't know, do you?

Colin: No, I don't fucking know.

Darcy: Have you tried to open it?

Colin: Of course. There's a code... I couldn't guess it.

Darcy: Well, have you-

Colin: Ya know, sorry to interrupt or whatever but who the fuck are you? This shit is really none of your business. Was this even your stop?

Darcy: Was it your stop?

Colin: No, I actually live- gah! Stop. Stop doing this. Leave me alone.

Darcy: Are you scared right now?

Colin: What? No.

Darcy: Cuz you're kinda acting scared. I'm like a 5 foot nothing white chick. I don't know why you're acting all spooked.

Colin: I'm not spooked.

Darcy: Well, I won't take all the credit. When you stepped back on the train at the Grand stop, you looked a little spooked. And then you looked a little crazed. What's in the suitcase?

Colin: I don't know what's in the fucking suitcase!

Darcy: You think we could figure out the code?

Colin: Okay, bitch, you're clearly involved. Do we have to kill each other or something?

Darcy: No, um. No, I'm

Colin: You're caught. Weren't really so stealth, if we're being honest here... So um, what's your fucking deal?

Darcy: Listen, don't be mad... I just

Colin: I'm not mad. I don't really give a shit.

Darcy: You don't give a shit? You don't give a shit about what you're holding?

Colin: I don't know what I'm holding! What is it?

Darcy: What? I don't know!

Colin: YOU DON'T KNOW?

Darcy: No, I have no idea.

Colin: Then why are you giving some soapbox talk about not giving a shit about this suitcase when you don't even know what's important about the suitcase?

Darcy: It's not the suitcase that's important, it's what the suitcase means.

Colin: And what does the suitcase mean?

Darcy: Well I don't know that either, I just know that I need you to get it opened.

Colin: Why?

Darcy: To save my sister.

Colin: What?

Darcy: Where'd you get the suitcase?

Colin: I told you-

Darcy: You didn't tell me anything. Where did you get it?

Colin: What do you mean, save your sister? Is there some trouble?

Darcy: Did you think all this shady shit going on... locked suitcases, anonymous instructions, crazy chicks following after you... all this was happening and there was no trouble? Where. Did. You. Get. It?

Colin: My buddy.

Darcy: Your buddy?

Colin: Yeah, some dude I'm friends with. He left it at my place.

Darcy: I don't believe you.

Colin: okay...

Darcy: I don't. I don't believe you.

Colin: Well I don't really care. I'm telling you what happened.

Darcy: Your buddy, huh? Who the fuck are you!? I want to know the truth and I want you to open this thing for me! Tell me the combination!

Colin: yo, you're fucking crazy. Here take it. Figure out the fucking combination on your own.

Darcy: What! No! You can't leave... they said very specifically that the man with the suitcase will give you a combination, he has the combination, you need the combination. It may be hard to acquire, but the man with the suitcase will have the answer.

Colin: Unfortunately, I'm the wrong dude.

Darcy: Well who's the right dude?

Colin: Fuck you, man. Take the thing.

Scene 3

Darcy paces the floor of her apartment, the suitcase again in the middle of the room. She tries combination after combination, she goes into hysterics. She tries more combinations. When the scene becomes unbearable, her phone rings.

Darcy: Hello? Hi yeah yeah, oh I... is, wait is this the guy from the street? Dude, where is my sister? I thought I'd be hearing from- where? The Grand stop? Okay, yeah, okay.

Scene 4

Darcy waits on the subway, with the suitcase in her hand. When the Grand stop arrives, she immeditely leaves the car. Craig follows her.

Craig: Darcy?

Darcy: (turns, frightened) what?

Craig: Whatcha got there?

Darcy: This, um, nothing. Leave me alone. How did you know my name?

Craig: You don't know who I am, do you?

Darcy: Well, would I be freaking out and asking you who you are if I knew who you were?

Craig: I'm Dani's fiance.

Darcy: What?

Craig: Dani'-

Darcy: I heard you. Dani doesn't have a fiance. Dani is in trouble. Dani needs whatever is in this suitcase and I don't know how to get it open because I failed. I fucking failed. And now she's in trouble and it's all my fault and when the fuck did she get engaged? And where the fuck is she? What is going on?

Craig: Well, you know how she is...

Darcy: Are you telling me she's okay?

Craig: Oh she is perfectly okay.

Darcy: What's in the suitcase then?

Craig: It's a clue.

Darcy: What kind of clue?

Craig: It's a clue telling me where and when we're getting married.

Darcy: Are you fucking kidding?

Craig: Well you know how much she loves scavenger hunts.

Darcy: Are you FUCKING KIDDING?

Craig: What? What are you so mad about? It's supposed to be fun.

Darcy: Right. Fun. I haven't seen my sister in two years, and the first I hear of her is that I'm supposed to find a man with a suitcase and get the combination from him to open it in order to SAVE HER. Who the fuck was the dude with the suitcase anyway?

Craig: Oh that was my brother.

Darcy: Well why did he act like such a scared weirdo with it?

Craig: Oh well Dani got him involved too. Again, didn't give too many details. She wanted to keep it sorta anonymous and fun, I guess. Plus she kinda always wanted to set you two up.

Darcy: So she's okay?

Craig: Well, hopefully. I mean, she's gonna be pretty pissed if I don't get there in time.

Darcy: That dumb bitch. She had me thinking she was in trouble. Like international fucked up trouble.

Craig: Really this is just her way of asking you to be her maid of honor.

Darcy: I'm going to kill her.

Craig: So I take it you didn't get that suitcase open?

Darcy: No, I did not. I tried every combination relating to her that I could.

Craig: Well did you try my birthday?

Darcy: (blankly stares at him)

Craig: Oh, give me that. (he tries, it works, he opens it to another piece of paper) Oh fuck.

Scene 5

Craig waits on the subway holding the suitcase. He looks around but doesn't look scared like the last two. Colin and Darcy also sit on the train holding hands. The Grand stop comes, Craig looks out and walks off the stop.

Play 8: probably, one day

Mom?

Yeah?

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah, sure.

Well, did you ever smoke weed when you were a kid?

Hahahahahah etc.

What? What's so funny?

I smoked a shit load of weed.

Really? A shit load?

Yes.

Wow.

Don't say shit load around other people.

Yeah, I know.

Okay good.

Why did you smoke weed?

Hmm. Why.... well cuz I loved it. And back then I wanted to make sure that just in case I became a rapper, that I could hold my own and thus successfully smoke with Snoop Dogg.

Who's Snoop Dogg?

Oh god. You don't remember Snoop Dogg? I am failing as a mother. Speaking of which, why you bringing up weed anyways?

Well I've heard of it a couple of times, and then some kids had some...

The fuck! What kids?

Just some kids.

Gah. Fine. But you guys are wayyy to young for that stuff. I didn't do drugs til I was way older than you. Did you have any?

No.

Really?

Really.

You know I don't really care, man, we can just have a conversation about it.

Right, I just really didn't.

But other kids did.

Yeah.

And what happened?

Not much, really. Coughing. Laughing, I guess... I mean not even like out of the ordinary. Everything was just calm.

Right. And everyone seemed in control, right?

What do you mean in control?

Well, here, do you remember your uncle on halloween?

You mean when he was stumbling and screaming and throwing up all night? I think he stole a lot of my candy, too.

I don't doubt it. Well would you describe him as having control or not having control?

I would say not having control.

Exactly. So your friends this afternoon, control or no control?

Control.

Okay. So, different substances do different things to people's behaviors.

Mom, why do people do drugs?

Why do people do drugs? Ya know, adults do a pretty good job of convincing themselves about a lot of things. They convince themselves that the world is terrible, that they will never get what they want out of life out of life. They limit their brains, their brains become like a ferris wheal or a merry go round, just the same circle over and over. Ya with me so far?

I think so.

Well if we don't constantly make our brains do new things... like go on new adventures, or listen to other people's ideas or talk about your dreams or learn music, your brain starts to change. If our brains just do the same things over and over, they become bored and tired and sure that the only way to make things different or better is by altering the state of reality.

What does altering the state of reality mean?

Altering means changing.

Okay, changing the state of reality...

Well what's reality?

What?

Do you know what reality means?

No. What does it mean?

Oh reality is bullshit!

What?

Don't believe in reality.

So should I want to alter my state of reality?

This is what I was getting at... people use drugs if they're boring and hate their lives and rely on something to change the really really boring lives that they have.

But you said you did a shit load of weed?

Well, dear, I lived in New York City in my early-20s, what do you expect?

I still don't think I quite understand.

Just don't do them. Okay? Not yet. Wait a little bit, and we'll figure it out, alright? In the meantime, I got a little album here called “The Chronic” that I need you to listen to.

What's chronic?

It's weed, honey.

Okay. I love you.

Love you too.

Play 9: the favorite memory

One and Two sit at industrial sewing machines, sewing long pieces of fabric. The fabric becomes nothing but a stitched over piece of fabric and is sewn through the duration of the play.

One: What's your favorite song?

Two: Oh I don't know. What's yours?

One: I don't know.

Two: What's your favorite color?

One: I dunno. I have a couple I guess. Yours?

Two: Same, I suppose.

One: Did you like that movie last night?

Two: It was fine, I guess. You liked it?

One: Didn't really like or dislike it.

Two: Did you happen to read that article about that stuff?

One: I read it.

Two: Did you understand it?

One: I understood it.

Two: Did you like it?

One: Didn't really like or dislike it. Do you have a favorite child?

Two: No. Do you have a favorite season?

One: No. Do you have a favorite fruit?

Two: No. Do you have a favorite Major League Baseball team?

One: No. Do you have a favorite memory?

Two: No. Do you remember your childhood?

One: Huh?

Two: Do you remember your childhood?

One: Oh, not really. Do you?

Two: Not so much.

One: Have you ever had a concussion?

Two: I don't think so. Have you ever had a concussion?

One: Yes.

Two: What?

One: I have had a concussion.

Two: No!

One: It's true.

Two: Do you know what happened?

One: I do.

Two: No!

One: I do. I was on a ladder. I had just left... somewhere and I was with, someone in my family. I had taped a string to my ceiling months before with one glowing star attached to the string. Someone in my family maybe a brother or a sister, I think I had those, had stolen my star. Stolen. Gone. So I had gone for the ladder and I wanted to rip down the string, forget about the string, believe the string was never even attached to the ceiling. And I didn't place it right and I fell. I fell hard. Concussed. That's what all the people said, concussed.

Two: That is a memory.

One: I think that's my favorite memory.

Two: Well how about that.

Play 10: to my beats

This is a poem. The characters alternate. A new poem is forming, btw

I saw where they had been.

Where they walked.

Where they created.

I saw where they drank, smoked, thought, thought, thought

I saw where I thought

Or where I thought I thought

I saw where I sang out

I sang out for Jack for Neal for William for Allen

I wore flowers in my hair

I'm lying

I wore no flowers

I smoked though

Smoked a bunch

I thought

Or, well, I thought I thought

But I kinda just cried

And they asked why I was crying

No they didn't

You're right, no one asked

It kinda felt like home

Noone ever asks me why I'm crying in public here either

But I cried for those boys

Those men, I suppose

Cried cuz they'd seen what I hadn't seen

Cried cuz they'd written what I hadn't written

Cried because I didn't know what I'd seen

And I didn't know what I'd written.

I know they had been angry to be grouped

And then the group disappeared anyway

I know I had been angry to be stuck

And then I got less stuck

But not less angry

I pretended I felt what they probably felt

I pretended I was free like how they were free

I sought a grouping

A categorizing

So I could be angry at it

So I could hate it

I really thought I'd know everything once I saw what they saw

I really thought things would change

I thought I could change

I thought my words would start to really mean something

I gotta get my words to start really meaning something

But the buildings are so high now

and the fences so straight

and the pages so thin

and the spines so flimsy

Noone heard me

Nobody heard me at all

Not as I screamed up the hills

Not as I screamed down the hills

Not as I begged for my buildings

Not as I worked towards comfort

Worked to comatose my brain

Asking the questions

The questions I couldn't forget

Happy now?

Whose will it take?

Whose do you need, dear?

Nobody, nobody

Never nope nobody

I reinvented pacifism

I rejuvenated narcissism

I revitalized nihilism

I rewrote racism

I acted out

I acted like I cared

Because I did care

So did they

No matter what they might say

I know they cared

So I care

What they saw, I saw

What they wrote, I wrote

Poetry can be mine

Like it was theirs

Despite the stage

Despite the typos

Despite the love the lack of love the fucking confusion

I didn't want them to know I felt alone

I didn't want them to see loneliness

I didn't want them to see my empty pages

and frankly I didn't want them to see my full pages

They wouldn't let me win

and they wouldn't let me lose

I knew something would mean something at some point

Fragility slashed the tires

Forbearance took no prisoners

I stared blankly

For really no reason at all

I never had no reason

And there I found no reason

The men I sang for could barely hear me

I understood that

Really, barely at all

I mean, maybe none at all.

I mean, of course none at all

I mean, of course it didn't matter if I saw this

Of course it didn't matter where I'd been

Or what I'd seen

Or what I'd smoked

Deception had claws

Now I have claws

But i'm gonna keep them in.

I know I'm supposed to keep them in.

I'm not afraid.

And I'm trying so hard to not be angry.

It's crazy cuz I'm exactly what I want to be

And exactly what I don't

It seemed a lot crazier in my head

Things are always seeming a little different there

Cuz whether I'm over there

Or back here

I play the sponge

And I play the faucet

And I try to pay my dues

and pay my respects

and pay my bills

And it's still never really what I expect

Not really at all

And that's okay, I know

They taught me that, alright

Play 11: woes

I have to pee.

Then pee.

Where?

Here.

Where here?

You never peed outside?

Like a portapotty?

No, I mean outside

Outside outside?

Like in the woods.

Well we aren't in the woods.

No, I know. But if you can pee in the woods, you can pee in the city.

Um, I don't know how I feel about that...

Have you never peed at a subway stop?

What are you talking about?

You've never, like, snuck behind the signs at the end and peed over there?

Fuck no! I couldn't imagine.

Well, what's a bitch supposed to do on a long ass transfer late at night when she's hammered?

You're sick!

I'm just natural.

Natural.

Yeah, man. I grew up in the country... fancy bathrooms with attendants and little mints are not always available.

So you just learned to pee anywhere?

I mean, I'm not an animal. I don't just pee anywhere...

But-

But I do what I have to do, yeah.

That's kinda gross.

Sure. But is it grosser than being violently uncomfortable?

I suppose not.

I like to think of it like a metaphor.

Okay...

I mean, think about it. There are women who will pee in public and there are women who won't. Every dude in the world will pee in public. Think about that.

Well, yeah, cuz it's easier.

And why is it easier?

Cuz they have penises?

Exactly.

Is that a metaphor for something too?

Of course. It's like we haven't been punished enough in this world for not having penises, now we're expected to not utilize our surroundings too just because we are dick-less? No way. I don't play like that.

So you pee in public as some sort of rebellion against what, man?

No, no, no. I pee in public only if I absolutely need to pee. I'm not gonna let my womanhood stop me. If I want to rebel against the man, I'll pee in a dude's beer.

What?

Ya heard.

No.

Gurl, you work with and around upstanding normal humans. I work in a goddamn bar. The freaks I have to deal with...

You've never peed in someone's beer.

Alright. All I'm saying is... pee if you have to. And don't piss off your bartenders. Ah, ah, ah. No puns. Please.

Play 12: burn baby burn

Jon and Jack stand around a barrel where a fire burns.

Jon: What we got today?

Jack: 50s

Jon: Really?

Jack: Yup. Why?

Jon: Don't look like 50s.

Jack: Well it is.

Jon: Huh.

Silence

Jon: Where'd they come from?

Jack: What?

Jon: The 50s

Jack: Down the road

Jon: Whatchu mean?

Jack: The old Baylor house.

Jon: You get em?

Jack: Nah one of the others.

Jon: Huh.

Silence

Jon: So are you-

Jack: What's your deal today?

Jon: Whatchu mean?

Jack: What's up with all the goddamn questions?

Jon: Just being curious, I guess.

Jack: Well, fuck you.

Jon: Oh, I uh-

Jack: Nah, really, just fuck you.

Jon: K.

Silence

Jon: It's just that 50s usually burn a certain way...

Jack: You have something to say?

Jon: What?

Jack: Say what you have to say.

Jon: Don't gotta get hostel, man, I'm just observing.

Jack: Well it seems you got something to say about this.

Jon: I said what I have to say. 50s burn a certain way and these ain't really burning like 50s.

Jack: So what?

Jon: So what nothing. I don't why you are fucking flipping unless YOU have something to say.

Jack: I don't got nothing to say.

Jon: Alright then.

Silence

Jack: Okay, they ain't 50s.

Jon: Hm?

Jack: Oh don't make me say it again.

Jon: Not 50s.

Jack: Yeah.

Jon: Like I said.

Jack: Yeah.

Jon: Why you lying?

Jack: I wasn't lying, per say.

Jon: I said what are we burning, you said 50s, I said these don't look like no 50s, you say they ain't 50s. Where I come from, that's lying.

Jack: Well, I guess.

Jon: No guess. Why you lying?

Jack: Can you keep a secret?

Jon: For you? Hell no.

Jack: What?

Jon: I don't never tell people I'll keep their secrets. I ain't a nark, I ain't a gossip... but I don't like that kind of pressure. People gonna tell you what they want regardless.

Jack: Well, can I tell you something, then?

Jon: Of course.

Jack: Pile of ones.

Jon: Ones today?

Jack: Just ones.

Jon: Okay.

Jack: Great, do I feel better.

Jon: You feel better.

Jack: Getting that off my chest.

Jon: You ain't got shit off your chest.

Jack: What'dya mean?

Jon: Whatever man. Burn your ones.

Jack: Already happening.

Jon: K.

Silence

Jack: The ones are from the Baylor house.

Jon: Great.

Jack: There were some-some-

Jon: I don't care

Jack: Some 50s there, if you have to know.

Jon: I didn't ask.

Jack: There were a lot of 50s there, actually.

Jon: Okay...

Jack: And I just, I just

Jon: You definitely didn't just burn them.

Jack: I just kinda started getting nostalgic, ya know.

Jon: For the 50s?

Jack: Didn't your grandpa or anyone ever talk to you about this stuff?

Jon: Ya know, even when my grandparents were around, it had all been turned to plastic

Jack: Oh already?

Jon: I ain't never had any experience with the paper beyond these barrels

Jack: Damn.

Jon: Cuz that plastic turned to passwords turned to well you know the story

Jack: Hard to believe a time when it wasn't just our veins.

Jon: Hard to believe you could just all out and hold it. Just carry it over to your buddy. Just clear a debt.

Jack: Wasn't so so long back.

Jon: So you're saying you kept them 50s, huh?

Jack: Yeah. Yeah I did. : I just think of the struggle, though, really... when it was so tactile. So real like.

Jon: Sounds like a goddamn hassle. A weight, almost.

Jack: Of course. Haven't you ever read the books? Seen the shows? Heard the songs?

Jon: Used to be an obsession.

Jack: An absolute obsession.

Jon: I'm glad them days are gone.

Jack: Ya know, I suppose I am too.

Jon: So whatchu gonna do with all those 50s? Frame em? Hold out for the past to return?

Jack: Well... burn em I guess.

Play 13: on parade

I am a woman and I am pregnant.

I am a man and I am not pregnant.

I am a woman and I am not pregnant.

I am a man and we're, we're pregnant.

I am a woman and I am encouraged to tread lightly.

I am a man and I am encouraged to hold my ground.

I am a woman and I am encouraged to shut the fuck up.

I am a man and I am encouraged, I am supported.

Can you?

Yup

And will you

Nah

But if I

Nah

Oh please though

Nah

Even if

Just

If I

Just

Just what

Just stop, dear

But wh-

It's truly not very flattering

I am a woman and I am pregnant. I am on parade. No I am the parade. This thing will sit in there, until it sits no more. Then no more sitting then just walking then running then moving moving moving. Done with nutrients, I forgot about nutrients, I lay alone in the bathtub with a bottle of wine, a quiet quiet house like I'd never even been there, like they'd never even been there.

You promised.

Yes, I did.

And now?

Breaking the promise.

You can't...

I can.

No you ca-

I can.

So you'll just... forget about before.

About when?

About before!

Remind me...

Oh my god

Guess I win.

You win.

I win.

And what about me?

About who?

ME ME ME

My, um, apologies?

I am a man and I am not pregnant. I don't have babies, I make babies. I make hits. I make solutions. Won't take any questions, won't take any comments, won't take any concerns. I'm not worried, ya see. I don't worry. I am the alpha, the end all, the fucking shit, yo. No one questions me and that's how I like it.

Didn't you ever ask the question?

I asked.

Didn't you ever display all the answers?

I would say I displayed.

Then what's the problem?

Who says there's a problem.

You're just acting like there's a problem.

That's just how I act.

I am a woman and I am not pregnant. And I never have been. And I never will be. And I never have been. And I never will be. How do I feel? Wow. How do I feel... Not full not empty. Never full never empty. And not really anything in between. Like a glass of water no one argues about.

I'm a success.

And what do you mean?

Didn't you hear?

Hear what?

That I'm a success.

Right.

Don't be jealous...

Do I seem jealous?

Everyone seems-

Do you think I'm everyone?

How do you mean?

Simple question. Do I look like everyone? Do I seem like everyone? Do you think I'm everyone?

Don't get pissed.

You really don't get it, do you?

I'm a success.

I am a man and we're, we're pregnant. I watched it all. The full full full, the barren so empty. I didn't know how to feel bad because I'd always felt so good. It really was hard to sympathize. I never quite grasped sympathizing. It's not like anyone ever felt sorry for me. No, I'm sorry. That's wrong. It's hard...we're making it through. We're gonna be just fine. He's big and strong and healthy.

WHY CAN'T YOU

STOP SCREAMING AT ME

I DON'T SEE WHY-

YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE WHY

HOW DO YOU KNOW

BECAUSE I KNOW YOU

NO YOU DON'T

RIGHT

YOU DON'T

WELL THEN GIVE IT BACK

GIVE WHAT BACK

IT'S MINE TOO

GIVE IT BACK? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING?

IT'S MINE TOO

IT NEVER BELONGED TO YOU. IT WILL NEVER BELONG TO YOU.

Why are you like this?

I told you you don't know me.

And what the fuck do I do with that?

No really my problem.

I am a woman and I am pregnant.

I am a man and I am not pregnant.

I am a woman and I am not pregnant.

I am a man and we're, we're pregnant.

I am a woman and I am encouraged to tread lightly.

I am a man and I am encouraged to hold my ground.

I am a woman and I am encouraged to shut the fuck up.

I am a man and I am encouraged, I am supported.

Play 14: the ferris wheel

What's different?

Eyebrows.

What happened?

Changed them.

Why?

Needed change.

Why?

I'm a ferris wheel.

A ferris wheel?

A ferris wheel. Minimally exciting, incessantly repeating.

Bleak.

Part of my charm.

But why the eyebrows?

You have a better idea?

Have you done the trick? Successful in becoming... um, not a ferris wheel?

I don't know yet.

Ya know, I don't think you're a ferris wheel.

Oh no?

No I think you're the Scrambler.

No!

I think so.

I think that's mean.

What? Why?

Well, I've definitely had days where I thought my brain was the Scrambler. And those days were... not the best days.

But me thinking you're the Scrambler is different than you have a day where your brain is the Scrambler.

I guess. I think I'm just a ferris wheel.

What about a Silly Slide?

No.

Ooooh the Zipper!?

You do not think I'm the Zipper.

Maybe not. But seriously, those eyebrows!

You think I'm ugly.

No!

Yes you do. And I am. You're right. I'm like a leftover ferris wheel from a fair in Oklahoma or Nebraska or somewhere gross. I'm no Navy Pier or even Coney Island.

You are too a Navy Pier!

Not with these eyebrows.

What is it you want?

I just want to lay down and sleep forever.

No. Listen to me. What is it you want?

From you? Nothing. Just sit. Or leave, whatever.

Why do you always do this?

Do what?

I want to help.

I don't need your help.

You said you were better.

Well, I'm not. I lied. I'm not better. So, so, are you helping, now? Do you feel really great?

What do you want?

I want to break down.

What?

I want the ferris wheel to break down.

No you don't.

Yes I do.

Why don't you just become not a ferris wheel?

Cuz I am a ferris wheel! That is what I am. And when you are something, you can't just change what that thing is. You can just alter it. And the best alteration of a ferris wheel is a broken ferris wheel. So that's what I'll be.

What are the eyebrows?

New seats.

And isn't that positive?

But I hate the new seats.

And what else do you hate?

Everything, basically.

Well what about the view?

What view?

The view from the top.

It's-

It's nice, right?

Yeah you can see for miles.

And what about the music?

The music?

I know you aren't gonna let some shitty music be playing during the ride.

Well, no, obviously not.

And the seats...

What about them?

Well, I think they look really nice.

You do?

I do.

I don't need help, you know.

Yes, you do.

No I-

Yes, you do. And that's okay baby. I'm here for the ride.

Play 15: thursday night

She and He in her apartment, arguing. There is a dankness, a haze, a gloom to the scene.

He: Why not? Are you scared, are you scared, are you scared?

She: Scared isn't the word.

He: You're not gonna get in troublllle, ya know... this is New York City.

She: I don't care about that.

He: Then what's the problem? Don't you trust me?

She: First of all, no. I don't trust you.

He: Excuse me?

She: I don't trust anyone. Far more important to this situation, though, is that I don't trust me.

He: How do you mean? And the fuck you mean you don't trust me...

She: I don't trust anyone. Especially addicts. Sorry. I love you, I just don't trust you.

He: I'm not an addict! I'm a-

She: I don't care what you call yourself. You should just know that shit's not for me.

He: How do you know? You've never even tried it.

She: But I know what's going on up here. Well, sorta. Enough to know I gotta say know.

He: I just don't get it... what is it you're so nervous about?

She: Brain.

He: What about it?

She: I don't trust it.

He: You don't trust your brain.

She: Not at all.

He: This shit doesn't make you crazy.

She: Hahahaha

He: What? It doesn't.

She: Hahahaha

He: Why are you laughing like that?

She: How are you gonna tell a person on the edge of madness what will make them crazy and not crazy?

He: Are you on the edge of madness?

She: Well I don't know! That's what I'm worried about.

He: Well, come on, you know the ol' catch 22...

She: Yeah, if you think you're crazy then clearly you have enough wits about you to realize something's wrong, so therefore you can't be crazy.

He: Exactly. So you're fine.

She: But I've been battling with myself the question of how many people can tell you you're crazy before you have to believe them.

He: Nobody really thinks you're crazy, you're like wacky... not like scary crazy.

She: But where do we draw the line, really?

He: Harm, I guess.

She: Harm?

He: Yeah.

She: Um, okay.

He: What?

She: Nothing.

He: Are you okay? You said you were better.

She: I just don't want the drugs, okay?

He: I'm not gonna make you, shit. I was just offering. Thought it would be fun. And then you naturally have to get all crazy about it....

She: Ah ah ah! So there. There you fucking go.

He: I'm not calling you crazy, I'm just saying-

She: No. Nope. Tell me, then, oh sane one. Tell me how to get fixed.

He: Come on, I just meant,

She: No, please, seriously. Addictive substances? Really? You really think that's what's best for me?

He: I just wanted to have a fucking fun night. I didn't want to play this game over and over with you.

She: Then don't. Don't play. DON'T PLAY. I'm not in need, ya know. I don't need this. I don't need you. I'm not in need. I'm not in need. I don't need anything. I don't need anyone. I don't. I don't. I don't. Etc. etc.

Lights change as she continues to rant/flip out. She finally calms. She looks around, finally checking her phone. She dials.

She: Hey baby, where'd you go? You what? Where? Right yeah right, yeah I don't know what I said where'd you go? Haha I mean where are you? Haha... No yeah, you can come over later, that's fine. Yeah, um, I I'd love to see you. Great. Great. Yeah, love you too.

She takes a minute. She looks around. She smokes, she snorts... she rocks back and forth and back and forth.

Play 16: AMIRIGHT

I have thoughts

so do I

yeah me too

They whirl

round and round and round

a mess

oh yeah

completely

mess

anyways

it's just anyway

regardless of all that

isn't it irregardless?

Don't regardless and irregardless mean that same thing?

That literally makes no sense.

I know.

But it's true!

I know!

So, when I was playing sports as a kid, I used to get in trouble because i'd always be calling timeout

“That's the coach's job!” They'd yell.

I didn't really think that was fair.

Cuz sometimes I needed some god damn time.

I never thought it was too much to ask.

They did, though.

I got in a lot of trouble.

Getting in trouble playing sports is about the silliest thing I ever encountered.

I think that probably affected me.

I am rather affected.

I've got these thoughts, remember.

Oh the thoughts.

They can't just be from sour sports memories, though.

Oh no way.

Layers on layers

on layer on layers

I started yelling cuz I didn't think this was a play

FUCK THIS

I didn't get it

No they didn't get it

FUCK THIS

A rising action, I suppose?

My whole life, my yelling always seemed a little unwarranted.

And if I thought that-

I couldn't imagine what they thought.

But shit was going down

FUCK THIS

and I wasn't an artist anymore

cuz I wasn't an artist to begin with

and I was consumed with consumption

or one of those things

I shoulda been consumed with

Then I said

WAIT

SETTLE DOWN

you really don't have to do this

you can be like the rest

The time is now

Isn't that what they always say?

The time is now.

Carpe diem.

(sung) No day but today

When I moved to a new school in 3^rd grade, I told everyone I moved from Neptune

And the real problem is

I'm still pretty convinced

I mean maybe not Neptune

but I'm not settling right, I'm not “fitting in”

And that's alright I think

I shuddered to think

that I was involved in a monologue

I'd seen my share of bullshit

and had worked pretty hard to remain a spectator

But ya win some, ya lose some

AMIRIGHT?

Play 17: music trivia

Fuck yes, I love this song.

How can you tell what it is already?

You don't know this song?

No, I don't think so.

But you know Big Boi, though?

Nope.

What? Do you know who Andre 3000 is?

Nope.

Do you know who RZA is?

No.

Do you know who GZA is?

Uh-uh.

Do you know who ODB is?

No.

How about ASAP Rocky?

No.

Kendrick Lamar?

No.

KRS One?

Nah.

Tribe Called Quest?

Never heard of him.

Bone Thugs N Harmony?

Um...

2PAC? BIGGIE? EMINEM? KANYE WEST? JAY-Z? SNOOP DOGG DO YOU AT LEAST KNOW SNOOP DOGG?

Isn't he called Snoop Lion now?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Play 18: keys open doors

What's it called?

What?

The door.

What's the door called?

Yeah.

It's called the door.

It's so elegant, though.

How do you mean?

It seems so elegant to me.

It's a door.

Yeah...

I just don't see how this inanimate door can seem elegant.

Really?

Really.

Huh. Are you, um, in charge around here?

Oh me? No no no.

Oh okay.

Why do you ask?

Oh um, no reason, really

No tell me. It's really better if you're honest here. As a general rule.

Oh, um, well thank you, first of all. I guess, I guess I just would hope that the um, someone in charge here, of all places, would like, get what I was talking about if I were to say, describe the doors as elegant.

I see.

I don't mean to be rude, it's just...

Oh no. No, I get it. Everyone has their um, delusions, no let's call them ideas about it here. It's really okay. I'm not insulted.

I really meant that I always imagined...

Yes dear, I know. I understand. That's what I'm saying, there's always imaginations, dreams, visions, assumptions made, I expect that. And i'm telling you, it's best to drop all that, get rid of it. If more people listened to this advice, that and the honesty advice, their um, experiences here would be a whole lot better.

What do you mean? Do most people have a bad experience?

Well, yeah, yeah I'd say mostly they do.

Ya know, I didn't even really mean to come here today, I just, well I guess I could just go. I didn't mean to insult you, or start anything, I mean really I can just go now, I'll just go.

Oh dear.

What?

You don't get it.

Don't get what?

This whole thing. Oh dear.

Well, how would I? Seriously, it's whatever. I'll just go.

Honey, you can't just go.

Why not?

You're through the doors.

So what?

Well, you're not going out em. Not now. No matter how elegant they are.

I don't understand.

Here, I believe there's someone waiting for you.

He takes her to the next room to meet The Man

You maaaaaaade it.

I made it.

Welcome.

Thank you. Those doors are beautiful by the way. What's it called?

Ophelia. Elegant, don't you think?

Oh my god, yes! Bleak, but elegant.

So, what-

I need to figure out how to make my life go in and out doors like that.

This is why you came?

Well, I guess I didn't realize that until right now, but yes. Yes that's why I came.

That's what you're going with?

My life needs to go in and out elegant doors. Yes. Yes.

Alright...

Is that a weird one? I don't know. I don't really know how this place works, I just, I'm all nervous now cuz like of that door and cuz you're doorman said everyone suffers here or something like that and I'm so nervous, I'm just trying to be open and honest, not usually how I am but usually if I get going I can really just get it all out at once.

That so? Did you do it?

No, no, not at all.

More?

Yes. I haven't been near a door like that in ages. I'm always cooped in, searching for the knob, finding that the door doesn't even open open, it slides. The nice ones are always locked and the ones that aren't are so so open that i'm just not even interested. I've been studying bells, I've been studying knockers, I've been studying keys. Oh have I studied keys.

What does that key go to?

What key?

Around your neck.

Um...

Yes?

I, I'd really rather not say.

Did you not speak with Albert at the door?

I did.

Okay...

So. So I should say, shouldn't I?

The man gives excellent advice.

It's to a trunk.

What kind?

An old old trunk.

Your trunk?

No, it's, it's, it's the trunk where my truth lives.

Give me that key.

What?

Give me the key.

I don't think that's going to happen.

Why did you come here?

I...

Why did you come here?

So I could go through-

Doors. So you could go through doors.

Elegant doors.

What are you without doors?

What am I?

What are you without doors? Without the knobs? Without the keys?

I'm, I'm, I'm simple. Normal.

And what's wrong with that?

Everything. Absolutely everything. I'm already painfully close when I look at my doors, when I look at the doors I've really known, really studied, really had the chance to go through. Sometimes I go through my statistics, I feel so painfully inadequate. I feel like everyone I know has gone through the most exquisite doors, just stunning, painfully stunning I would say, and I just stand behind, watching, observing, and twisting and pushing some sort of plain fucking plywood bullshit. I was scared of the really nice doors, like the truly elegant ones, like the one into here, I was scared for a long long time. Until I realized everyone who didn't even have a brain was going through the most beautiful doors. And I was like, I've spend all this time not going through beautiful doors and now I feel like i'm getting older and I've experienced so few really truly beautiful doors that now I'm so behind that there's no way I can catch up, like in some ways I don't even think I should be going through them. Until I realize that that's bullshit. Which is why I got that trunk I have in the first place, cuz before that I had to carry everything along with me, and as I was searching for doors sometimes I would find one that I thought was really perfect, and i'd realize I was just carrying too much, I wasn't gonna make it through. And even if I could struggle through the archway, i'd be a fucking mess when I got through. It was all just too much. So just yesterday, I found a trunk, an amazing trunk really, and I knew I could fill it and lock it up and then, boom, today I find this place. I'm not stupid, ya know, I'm not naiive and I'm not afraid. I just... I just, need some help. I was under the impression I could get some help here, it really felt that way when I walked through. And did you notice? I just walked right through. No problems. And i've tried to real and I tried to be honest but I can't let you have this key and if you can't ya know, give me other keys or something, I dunno, I guess I should probably just go.

Give me that key.

No.

Come on.

Didn't you listen to me? I need it!

No, you don't.

I need it.

Then go.

What?

Go then.

But I didn't get a chance to-

I don't care.

Come on. I was just so fucking open. I was honest. I was what I was supposed to be. What is the problem?

Can't you hear yourself?

What?

“I was what I was supposed to be.” Do you not see any problem with that?

What? I followed the advice, why are you making this so hard on me?

You really, just, you just really aren't ready.

Ready? Ready for what?

For the doors, sweetie.

I don't get it!

You should probably just go.

I, I, I-

Really, dear. Just go.

She exits the way she came in, but when she gets to the elegant doors to leave, she can't seem to get through the door. No matter what way she tries, she can't go, can't fit, can't seem to make it out. She turns around outraged, as The Man slowly comes out of the shadows. He holds out his hand. She slowly takes the key off her neck and puts it in his hand. A huge noise. The walls have become rows of amazing elegant doors. She stares at The Man. She slowly turns all around her and starts to cry. Lights fade.

Play 19: dried out

The well's kicked.

Kicked?

Kicked.

Kicked?

Run dry. Empty. Over with. Done for.

No more well?

Well's still there. No more water.

No more water?

No more water.

Kicked.

Yup. Kicked.

So...

Now before you freak out, let me assure you. We should be okay.

Should be?

Should be.

And if we're not-

Should be fine.

Stop saying should be fine. Are we going to be fine or not fine?

Should be fine.

AHHH!

Well I don't know exactly yet.

Do you have a plan?

A plan?

Yeah, a plan.

For...

Water, dumbass.

Oh excuse me. No. I do not have a plan. Do YOU have a plan?

Well I didn't know the well was kicked.

Well I didn't either until thirty seconds ago.

But you weren't planning for this?

Who plans for this?

Well you have to know it wasn't going to last forever.

Did you know?

Of course I knew it wouldn't last forever.

But you didn't come up with a plan?

A plan?

Yes, a plan!

Well, no.

You thought that was my job?

Well I kinda was hoping I wouldn't see the day.

The day the well went dry.

Today.

Did we pump it at all?

Once it's reached this point, can't really pump it anymore.

Whyyyy doesn't it just last?

Well that's a stupid question.

Is it?

You already know the answer.

That nothing lasts forever?

Specifically a really old well.

Couldn't we call someone?

Call who?

I don't know, a well guy?

All those guys run scams.

Really?

Of course.

So what do we do?

I dunno.

What do we do?

I don't know.

HOLY SHIT WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

Holy shit, calm the fuck down.

I just, just can't deal with stuff like this.

I know.

If you know then why did you tell me?

Cuz we're kinda in this together.

...right.

So let's just think.

Okay.

What are you thinking?

Fuck the well is dry fuck the well is dry fuck the well is dry

Try something else

You're right. Okay.

Whatcha got?

I'M SO FUCKING THIRSTY.

Right.

FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Okay, I'm out. I'm bailing on this shit.

Wait, what?

I'm bailing. You're freaking out. I can't handle it.

I thought we were in this together.

Well, I said that to be nice, kinda help you along.

But-

But, let's be honest. It's your well. I got some other options.

You do?

Of course.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

Really, really, not my problem.

Oh my god.

What?

Are you really doing this to me?

I tried to help, you freaked out. When people freak out, I gotta bail. I don't have it in me to deal with that kinda shit anymore.

No, I'll be calm. I'll be so calm. I'm the calmest human alive, I promise.

Too late.

Come on.

Sorry, dear.

But, I, I,

I suggest you look for a new well.

But this is the only one I've ever known.

Hence why I said new.

Don't leave me.

I said, I'll stay if she's relaxed and thinks logically.

I'M RELAXED, I CAN THINK LOGICALLY.

No you can't.

YES I CA-

Stop yelling. Chill out. Find a new well.

But without this well, I can't really, can't um, can't

I know.

And you're still gonna go?

Yeah.

But-

Just try. Okay? Just try.

Play 20: please keep digging

The archeologist: Are you digging?

Her beloved: Of course I'm digging.

Promise.

Always.

Even when I tell you to stop.

Always.

Promise.

I will dig. I promise.

You understand why, right?

I understand.

You promise?

I promise.

I must ask-

Yes?

What are you asking of me?

Of you?

Yes.

Let me keep digging.

What else?

That's all.

That doesn't seem fair.

Why?

You have to keep digging, and you have to keep digging, and all I have to do is let you dig? That doesn't seem fair.

There's nothing else I want.

Nothing?

Nothing.

You promise?

I promise. But I do have one questions... have you picked a favorite?

This again?

Have you?

Well, yes, perhaps.

Perhaps?

You're right, that's no way to treat a favorite. Fine, yes.

Tell me why it's your favorite first.

Why?

Yes always why before what.

Okay. It's my favorite because it's free.

Free?

Free.

What else?

Fragile but not. Wild but not. Everything and then some and then less and less. Careful and confident and interesting, so interesting.

Did you pick the pterodactyl?

How did you guess that?

You know pterodactyls aren't actually dinosaurs, right?

No.

Really. Fairly new research shows they were always birds.

Fuck.

I love you anyway.

Please keep digging.

I will.

Please, even when I tell you to stop.

I will.

Play 21: smoke em if you got em

One takes out a fresh pack of cigarettes. Packs them, opens them, lights one.

Two sees this, approaches One.

Hey man, can I uh, bum one of those?

One of what?

Your cigarettes.

What do you want?

To bum a cigarette.

Oh, I can't really-

I'll buy it. Here, ya want a dollar?

I really can't spare it, man.

What?

I just, don't really have any to spare.

I just watched you open a new pack.

And?

I just watched you open brand new pack of cigarettes. How are you gonna tell me you can't spare one? For a dollar? I'm not some homeless bum, I just would like to bum a cigarette.

Right.

Right what?

I don't know man, what do you want from me?

I just wanted a cigarette. But really, forget it.

Is there something wrong, dude?

What the fuck kind of smoker are you?

Um,

I mean, really. Who won't even let someone buy one off them? Don't you know like, etiquette? What the fuck, man.

Wow. I didn't realize this would upset you so much. Here, really, here. Fine.

One gives Two a cigarette in a very slow and deliberate manner.

Um, thanks.

Two lights the cigarette.

So um, that dollar?

Are you fucking serious?

I mean, I would never ask, but you did offer...

Fucking fine, man. Here.

Cool. Thanks. You know these thins are like, mad bad for you, right?

Go away.

What?

Go.

Play 22: she heard the echoes, she heard them all

She swings on a swing downstage. The Others swing on three swings upstage. It's a back and forth, it's an ebb and flow.

I was once a beginner.

She was a newbie.

A novice.

A n00b.

I didn't mind.

She didn't mind.

She was careless.

She was carefree.

I practiced though.

Oh, did she practice.

Hours and hours.

Hours on end.

I committed.

She fucking went for it.

In it to win it.

The real deal.

It got harder and easier.

It was a long road.

She fell, she got up.

She struggled, she persevered.

I looked for the better. I would be better.

She searched.

She relentlessly searched.

She would be better.

And I was. I was what it takes.

She had it.

She found it.

She held onto it.

I finally had it. I held onto it.

Until

Things happen really quick.

Rapid.

BOOOOM.

Lightning fast.

I'd never called myself the best.

She wasn't the best.

Good, not great.

Very very good, not the best.

But just like that, I was back where I started.

Lightning fast.

BOOOM.

Rapid.

I was a beginner.

A newbie.

A novice.

A n00b.

I cried.

She cried.

Wept.

Sobbed.

Until I didn't. And then.

And then.

Then.

I started over again.

A newbie.

A novice.

A n00b.

Fuck it, I said. I know what to do.

They swing and swing.

Play 23: don't say a word

What did it look like?

It was big.

And what did it sound like?

It was loud.

And what did it smell like?

It was gross.

And what did it act like?

It was weird.

And how did you feel?

It was fine.

No, no, but how did you feel?

It was fine.

I'm not sure you're understanding the question. Um, let's try this. Are you scared?

No.

Are you angry?

No.

Are you worried?

No.

What are you feeling?

It was fine.

Would you like to leave?

No.

Would you like me to leave?

No.

Why won't you talk to me?

This is talking.

You know what I mean.

No.

What happened?

No.

What is making you like this?

No.

What happened?

No.

You know you can tell me.

No.

I can help you.

No.

I can.

I don't need help.

I think you do.

No.

Come on.

NO.

Yes.

NO.

Come on.

NO. NO. NO. I DON'T NEED YOU.

WHAT HAPPENED?

NOTHING HAPPENED.

SOMETHING OBVIOUSLY HAPPENED.

YES. FINE. SOMETHING HAPPENED. AND IT WAS TERRIBLE. It was a horrendous experience. Horrendous. Okay, are you happy?

Telling me it was horrendous is not telling me what happened.

Right.

Let me help you.

I. Don't. Want. Your. Help.

That's really mean.

Listen. You don't want to know. You think you want to know, but you don't want to know.

No, I really do wan-

Right. You want information for your own sake. You want to know so that you know. Feel like you're involved. Like you're an insider.

I wanted to be a friend.

Well, you failed.

That's really mean.

I know.

Play 24: solid as a

I got you this.

This?

Yeah.

This rock?

Yeah.

Um, thanks.

You like it?

This rock? Sure.

Feel how smooth it is?

Yeah...

And if you look real close there's a line of silver running through it.

Right.

You like it?

Yes. Where'd you get it?

I found it.

And thought, ya know what I'll do? I'll give it away.

You don't like it.

No, I like it.

You're lying.

No, I'm not. I just don't quite understand.

Why I'd give you a rock?

Right.

Well, I found it and I thought it was beautiful and I was like, she'll really like this.

That was your exact thought progression?

Kinda, yeah.

Alright.

Is that weird?

Why was it that you thought I'd like it?

You don't like it.

Yes. I do. I want to know why you thought I'd like it?

Well, remember that time we were on the train out to Jersey or something and we passed by that farm and you started crying?

Yeah I remember.

And I couldn't understand why you were crying and you didn't really give me an answer as to why you were crying so I just kinda sat there and stared at you.

Right.

And you wouldn't answer any questions and you would explain anything which really just made me feel worse and worse and worse until then you kinda held onto the side of the seat for a little while, like holding really tightly, and then you kinda shook your head and stopped crying and carried on with the rest of the trip. Never talked about it again. And I honestly started getting so jealous of the armrest on the seat, like why did that armrest somehow get to share in what you had going on, why was the armrest more deserving than me? No, just wait.. let me finish. And I thought about this a lot, becoming various amounts of jealous, angry, depressed... thinking over and over, why couldn't I help? Why didn't she want my help? And I never said anything cuz it was such a small moment, I didn't want you to know then how crazy it had been making me... how crazy it kinda still makes me. Until I realized that you were the type of person that couldn't always explain why you were crying, the type of person that sometimes just needed to be alone or to solve her problems by gripping onto something separate from herself, something solid and ultimately unrelated. And no matter how badly I wanted to help then or really all the other times... that sometimes I'm not the answer. Sometimes you just need something to grip onto. So, I thought that maybe if you understood this about me and about how I kinda um think about you, that this rock could be a sort of well... I mean, you know and my life really has never been the same since you-

Holy shit are you gonna propose?

What?

Oh my god I just got really nervous you were gonna propose.

It's um, a rock.

Right.

Yeah, I'm not proposing with that rock.

Right. Oh man, I'm so sorry.

I always kinda thought I'd buy like a ring or something...

Right, yeah. Holy shit. I'm so sorry. Uh, continue?

I'm kinda done...

I love you.

Yeah. That's all I'm saying... if you hate the rock, I-

No, I like the rock. I love the rock.

Okay. Love you too.

I don't mean to be crazy, you know.

No one ever means to be crazy.

I won't set this down.

That rock?

This rock.

Really?

Really.

Play 25: new for today

I said my body hurts.

Ransacked

Beaten

And forgotten

I said I said I said

shoved

pushed

pushed and shoved

and forgotten

I thought I would find the time

the time that dissolved

the time that disappeared

this next time

the next time coming up

tomorrow, yeah

next week, yeah

a push and a shove

and procrastination reimagined

I was lifestyle

through corruption

I was revamped

pressure's on

frantic as before

laden with the same weight

numbers on numbers

equations on equations

I was still in pain

a plague, really

innumerable disturbances

restless absolutely

crazed like the rest

the rest that flounder and flounder

asking questions

Play 31

September 04, 2012

it's a journey a journey a journey

The men are gathered around. The meeting is set on the bow of the ship, throughout various projects can be seen, all abandoned to attend the meeting. The ship rocks gently but diligently.

Captain: When we arrive, men, then you'll know. It'll all make sense then. It will come together in your mind, bridging the gap between the creation you've constructed and the simultaneous construction of doubt that eats away at your creation... you will sleep better. You will eat with a new appreciation. Once we are off here and into the land, once we accomplish this goal-we look to that goal. Nothing opens doors like closing doors. Nothing breeds a creative mind than the completion of a journey... men, imagine what's to come because nothing is sweeter than reality being better than your imagination. It won't be long now, it won't be long.

The men disperse, back to their projects. Two men head to a sculpture, they work and talk.

Man1: You believe it?

Man2: Believe what?

Man1: All that bridging the gap, glory land stuff?

Man2: I dunno

Man1: Whattya mean, you dunno?

Man2: I want to, I mean... that's why we got on this boat to begin with, right?

Man1: Right. But...

Man2: But, I'm losing it, man. Losing steam. Lost the steam. I mean, look at this thing. Really look at this thing in front of us. What are we doing here?

Man1: It's our sculpture. What we've worked on since we've been on this boat.

Man2: But what is it? What does it mean to you?

Man1: It's the clay and paper representation of what we left behind.

Man2: Right. And why? Why does what we left behind need a justification in clay and paper and the shapes our hands give it?

Man1: Well if we knew why, we probably wouldn't have left

Man2: But listen, listen, what can really be different? The captain talks about this magical place, this answers to all our questions land... but I don't know, man, we've already been on this boat a whole lot longer than we were told we were gonna be on it, and everyone just works away at their own individual shit and every day we hear a speech about how much greater it's going to be, but no one ever tells me how... we just hear the same lofty claims day in and day out and are expected to keep working on our same bullshit projects day in and day out because we are one day going to hit land and in this land, our projects will make sense, and we won't feel the same nagging and longing and lack of appreciation for the nonsense that we've learned to call our art.

Man1: Nonsense? Well, first man, you have to believe in it. It can't mean anything to anyone if it doesn't mean anything to you

Man2: Can't you hear yourself spouting the same exact phrases that we've been told over and over and over? “Believing”... finding personal meaning... blah blah blah. I didn't leave everything behind to be told the exact same art cliches I was told in elementary school art class.

Man1: Then why did you come?

Man2: Because there has to be something else... there just has to be. Something beyond arbitrarily priced gallery space, beyond paint tubes and sheet music and left to right poetry...I couldn't live where everyone was just doing their definition of weird in order to prove quirkiness in order to prove creativity in the hopes that they could have a blog written about them or be on the cover of People or some shit. Everyone was an artist, everyone had a vision...and why? So that they could become another celebrity in the pool of fucking awful that everyone else who wasn't able to convince all the exact right people that they were cool enough can sit at home and stare at these marketed, false versions of humans on their tvs and their phones and their magazines. Everyone wants to be obsessed over. And in order to do anything, anything at all, we have to abide the system, we could never be allowed to just do what we wanted all the time because the way all the assholes before us set it all up is that we have debts and we have bill after bill and it's all just compounded on the rules made fucking forever ago that force us to all be miserable, to have to do miserable things in order to just keep our head above water... when those with intelligence and ideas should be rising to the top, those who have somehow acquired more numbers, the numbers following the rules set up, the ones with money... they are the winners. They are on top. And I was getting to this point that I either needed to escape or blow it all up because the rules and those who follow them and those who convince themselves they're breaking them... it all just was welling and welling and making me freak out, freak out. So I got on this boat, to be taken to what's next, to the new land, the new set up... but we've just been stuck on here, with no hope, no answers and the same contrived bullshit “art” we had before.

pause

Man1: That's kinda bleak, man

Man2: Well, why'd you come?

Man1: I wanted an adventure

the men gather around

Captain: Very soon. Very soon, men, it'll all be clear. You'll know and I'll know. And the answers will come before the questions.

Play 30

September 04, 2012

Most of the Time We Just Aren't Quick Enough

Worthless

please

selfish

disgusting

I, I...

right?

RIGHT

trampled

crushed

not

yes

not exactly

Close. Enough.

You're not-

You're not. NOT. NOT.

I'm

CRUSHED

That's-

OVER

Wouldn't have had to-

BUT IT DID

well

IT DID

well

ACCEPT IT

but, you see-

STOP. STOP. STOP.

You aren't, you aren't giving me

WHAT SHOULD YOU BE GIVEN

Stop yelling

SCUM

come on

SCUM. WORTHLESS. FUCKING DONE.

It doesn't have to be like this, it doesn't

WHAT IS IT YOU THINK YOU FUCKING DESERVE

i'm not saying deserve, i'm saying, i'm saying, I'm saying... you don't know everything

Oh. Okay. En-fucking-lighten me

It's just, it's just not what you think

I said i'm ready for answers.

Well it started with them, it began with them, it was never me, it was never meant to be me

and yet it was

go on

it was just a classic wrong-place-wrong-time

what?

These aren't explanation. You expect me to sit here and listen to your fucking bullshit cliches when we both know, we both fully comprehend the situation

that's what i'm sayyyying, you don't fully comprehend, you don't understand, it wasn't my fault, IT WASN'T MY FAULT... i'm not the villain here, i'm not, i'm not bad, I shouldn't even be in this position, I didn't know what to do, I told her to be careful, I held on as long as I could, I said to her, I made it very clear to her, I, I, I don't know what I could have done. But it's like, I can't be held responsible for the actions of another adult or the freak workings of the universe, okay? So I don't think you fully comprehend the situation, you don't, and you're working pretty hard for the blame and the responsibility to be held, to be captured by me so you can belittle me, but explain, explain WHAT I COULD HAVE DONE

you, you, you

WHAT WHAT CUZ YOU WEREN'T THERE OKAY AND I'M FUCKING SORRY BUT WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY

...you could just say sorry

you know i'm sorry

just say it

sorry

okay

Play 29

September 04, 2012

Scared Tactics

A: It's happening

B: It's happening

C: ATTENTION: IT'S HAPPENING

A: Do you see it?

B: Did you see it?

C: I missed it

A: We missed it

B: Ready now?

C: Completely ready.

B: READY?

C: I SAID READY

B: We're prepared

A: We missed it

B: It's coming

C: It's happening

B: We're prepared

C: We're ready

A: We know

B: We do

C: Completely

A: You have the stuff, don't you

B: All the stuff

C: What stuff?

A: The stuff

B: All the stuff

A: Alright then

C: I don't have stuff

B: We have stuff

A: We're ready

B: You said we were completely ready

C: I know, I just-I

B: Are we not?

A: We're ready

B: It's coming

A: It's happening

B: Aren't we ready?

C: As far as I know, we should be-

A: AS FAR AS YOU KNOW?

B: SHOULD BE?

A: Have you listening to nothing?

B: Haven't you been paying attention?

A: What exactly did you not understand?

B: Where did we confuse you?

C: No. Sorry. Ready. Not confused.

A: Did you see it?

B: Did you see it?

C: I missed it

A: We missed it

B: This is what we've needed

A: What we continue to need

B: Can't wait

A: CAN'T WAIT

B: And can't beat preparation

A: CAN'T BEAT

B: Right?

A: Right?

B: Don't you agree?

C: Yes of course

A: What is your problem?

B: You don't agree?

A: What exactly is the problem here

C: I said I agree

A: You are not agreeing how you should be agreeing

B: Not at all

A: Are you ready?

B: Have you not prepared yourself?

A: Your lack of preparation could be of detriment to our preparation

B: Do you really want your behavior to cause a detriment to us?

C: What? No, no

A: Then give us back the confidence in you we once had

B: Return to us the confidence

C: I don't, I don't know what I did wrong

A: You're making us nervous

B: What is wrong with you

A: You've prepared with us

B: You've collected with us

A: You've watched and watched and watched with us

B: So what is the issue?

A: What is the problem?

B: We require an answer or it will be impossible for us to retire

A: Answer us

C: It's just... I, just.... I'm scared

A: …...

B: …..

A: So are we

B: Us, too

C: Okay then.

A: Okay

B: Okay

Play 28

September 04, 2012

carry on

A street. A bustling city street. For a while, all that can be noticed is the bustle, the hum of talk, of strangers playing the awkward dance of left-right-left, the back and forth of tourists, of business women in lady suits, of bums... the people of the city. It's not quiet, of course, the buzz is non distinct for a while... until gradually, those walking on this particular street can be heard talking. The buzz continues, but dialogue becomes distinct. The action never stops, the dialogue never stops. Many continue walking and passing and doing their own thing even as this written dialogue from individuals can be distinguished.... it's a street. As each snippet is highlighted, each snippet will be cut off by a passing stranger on the street. The conversation will continue, of course, with ad libbing... but the passing other will pick up where they were left off.

A high fashion model type to her mother: And it wasn't that I was bad, Mom, cuz I wasn't... I actually had really picked up a lot from those classes, it's just I wasn't right for this particular gig and it did kind of hurt my feelings but I guess that I need to get used to that, it's just that I felt I sort of, was right for this kind of thing

Her Mother: well you know you're gonna hear no a million times before you hear yes.

Model: I know. I just, do you think it has anything to do with my skills? What would make me better?

Bum with a Ukelele: all I need's a couple bucks just a couple bucks man, miss.... miss? All'd be well then, all'd be solved, just need a buck or two, just a simple dollar, just a few coins, help me out help me out, hear me? Hear me play, all'd be better then, all'd be well, hey 'scuse me, 'scuse me, miss? Miss? Can you hear me?

Irritated Upper East Side Mother: Not a word. Not a word, okay? You've been being a brat all day and I can't even tolerate you anymore, okay?

Annoying pre-teen: Whattt? I just want Liquiteria, I want a smoothie

Mom: There's a Jamba Juice one avenue over...

Pre-teen: Jamba Juuuice? Really? Ugh

Mom: Do you want a drink or not?

Wall Street Bro: Yeah dude, let's get Wednesday hammered

Bro: You think?

Bro: Fuck yeah man, fuck yeah, then we can see that bet play out

Bro: Which bet?

Bro: Um, the bet about Becky?

Bro: Oh, who is gonna fuck her first?

Long Island lady on her cell phone: I am. No, no no, I am. I'm planning the whole thing. Whyyyy? Well because, because, because Natalie is useless. But you heard about my idea, right? I mean he's only gonna turn 40 once.. oh you heard! Perrrrfect. Well, wouldn't that be a perfect party idea?

Classic Gothic Boy: Yeah, except you don't know how to throw knives

His Friend: Well not exactly but it's not like it can't be learned...

Boy: well Rodney is the reason I got super into that stuff to begin with, but ya know, with what happened to him and all, I probably shoudn't

Friend: What happened?

Boy: Oh did you not hear about Rodney?

Sorority Hipster: Uh, yeah, and now he drinks iced coffee...

Gay Bestie: well you know what I always say- once a bitch always a bitch

Sorority Hipster: And he's been trying to lecture me, tell me what's wrong and what's right

Gay Bestie: Well what the fuck does he know?

Excited High School Nerd on his Band Trip: All of Monty Python. He can quote... all of it. Like, if you give him one line to any random scene he can carry on for like five minutes afterwards, basically flawlessly

Other Nerd: Wait what are you talking about

25 Year old man: I'm talking about my absurd facebook relationship with Kim Kardashian

Work Associate: Wait, why?

Hippie Grandpa: WHY NOT?

Soccer Dad: Because I said so

Kid: But I thought, I thought-

Dad: Well what did you think?

Business Woman on the phone: I just thought I was better than that. And I just found myself asking myself, well- what if I could?

Basketball Dude: You probably wouldn't make it

Dude: You don't think?

Existential Overprivileged: I did think of that mannn, I totally thought about it. And as soon as I thought about it, I realized that I did know anything, anything at all

Chick who has a project with him: Nothing? You have no thoughts on infinity?

Little Girl: Yes yes yes yes yes TIMES INFINITY

Brother: Do you even know what the means?

Woman: Well, it means... it means, it's done, but well... it's not done

Man: It's never truly done, is it?

Street Artist: NOOOOOOO WAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY

The street bustles. The light fade.

Play 27

September 04, 2012

Late Night Faith Lessons

Dude, what is that

what is what

what is that thing

what thing

that thing fucking staring at me

oh this little guy

uh, yeah, that little guy

what's your problem

it's..creepy

what no way dude it's baby Buddha

it's what

baby Buddha

it's baby Buddha

Baby Buddha

why

Buddha, dude

what about him

Buddha is important

No...

What, yes! Fucking important

Not to me

Do you even know about Buddha

I know a shit ton about Buddha

Yeah right, dude

Probably know more about Buddha than you do

No way, man, no way

Where'd that thing come from anyway

Some chick stole it, and then gave it to me at a bar

some chick gave you Baby Buddha at a bar

yup

and how do you think real Buddha would feel about that

he'd feel pretty good about it

what

yeah man, freedom

freedom?

For sure, dude, freeeeeeedom. Freedom is actually what Buddha is about

But, Baby Buddha?

Baby Buddha is about the same thing as real Buddha

I'm pretty sure Baby Buddha is about like, peekaboo and pureed green beans

what

...cuz he's a baby

but he's baby Buddha

a baby's a baby, dude

no way not buddha

i'm gonna go ahead and say... yeah, baby. It's a baby. And it's creepy. And I want it out of our living room.

No fucking way

yes way

No way. We need him.

We need that creepy statue?

We get... so, like, out of touch man.

Excuse me?

We like, lose it... we like, forget the real deal stuff man... we like, don't have the hold on things that we could have if we only, if we only

...if we gave a shit about a stolen statue of some antiquated religion, you know this shit is bullshit

what, no way... have you ever even meditated, dude? That's buddhism man, it's about clarity, it's about the path to understanding, it's about this little guy... as a clear symbol of what we need, what we should be seeking

why do we need a dumb fucking statue to do-

DO NOT CALL BABY BUDDHA DUMB

You're not even Buddhist! Don't you see the problem with this? You think about a couple new ideas for a couple hours, you read the Wikipedia about Buddhism and you think that this creepy statue will somehow show us answers to fucking anything. GUESS WHAT.... this shit, that's not answers. It's all just someone else's ideas, someone else's rules that for a lot of different complicated fucked up reasons, people just kept buying into...we don't need other people's rules, man... we need to stop getting wasted when we say we're gonna work... we need quit texting and quit checking facebook and we need to talk to each other and work out problems and we need to enjoy the time we spend doing whatever it is we have to fucking do throughout our day and we DEFINITELY don't need some old ass religion from some far away country to tell us how to be happy and tell how us to be in touch with our world cuz guess what... our world is our world. Fuck the rules other people made up man and fuck whoever the bitch was that stole this statue and gave it to you. Meditation is bullshit. Nirvana is bullshit. All the insane forms of Buddha that don't even make any sense... like he came out of the belly of an elephant... that is nonsense man, and people will genuinely believe it over and over because someone is telling them to! It's fucking nonsense and I'm fucking sick of this shit. I don't want to see that thing. And I dont want you to tell me that a fucking plastic baby statue is gonna give me clarity and help me to no lose touch. Fuck that. Fuck you.

Dude, what the fuck do you know

Not much, man... but what the fuck does this baby statue know

Well then just shut the fuck up, okay?

What, you're gonna take this personal?

I just really don't think you know as much as you think you know.

Whatever

Well, then, whatever

You really keeping this thing out here, dude?

Oh fuck yeah.

It's seriously a pretty creepy statue.

Yeah I know.

You know?

Oh yeah, but I kinda think it's important

Ugh, well, fine then

Fine?

Fine

Really?

Fine.

Niiiiice

Play 26

September 04, 2012

separation anxiety

She lays and lays.

It is not sleeping, it is laying, it is restless

Eventually, she stops laying, and she sits... then, hopefully, she stands

She: Hello? Um, helloo? HELLO! Fuck, fuck, fuck.... HELLO! HEY! I'M FUCKING TALKING TO YOU, OKAY? OKAY? And I've about had it, yo. I'm up to fucking here with this bullshit, alright? It's not right, okay? Cuz I've talked it through, I've assessed this shit with ya know, professionals who are supposed to, ya know, help me? Or something... and what i've come up with over and over and over is that it's not right. So could you please just come fucking talk to me?

She waits. She looks left and right, up and down. She looks and she waits. She gets sick of just standing and she goes to her Cupboard of Distraction. She takes out an Iphone.

Whatever. Whatever.

Dumb fucking music plays out of the Iphone. She watches the videos on Youtube. She slightly emulates the dumb dancing she is is watching. She feigns confidence, sexiness, joy.

Ya know, I SAID YA KNOW, before I knew you... before I fucking knew you, I was not who you think you know man, I had this whole other shit going on, ya know. I didn't wait around to yell and scream and sit on someone else's terms as to when I could do anything. I danced, I danced all the mothafuckin time... and it wasn't based on anyone's motives or plans to fucking do anything or whatever dude... all i'm saying is that I used to taste freedom, I used to.. I used to... whatever. Whatever.

She tires of the music. She goes to the Cupboard, she gets a book. She runs to the sit at the edge of the stage, determined to immerse herself in that book. She reads for a bit.

Mmm, yes. Reading is peaceful. YA HEAR, READING IS FUCKING PEACEFUL.

She starts to kind of flip through the book, check out the back... just becomes generally distracted after her outburst, making it clear she will not read another word. She returns the books. She takes out candy. Bags and bags of candy. She opens them all and dumps them into the middle of the stage. She plays in them, she eats them. With her mouth full-

When I was a kid... I always had a pinata. And every year some asshole who wasn't me would break the pinata. No matter what. If I went first, well we always used like some dumbass plastic bat or something so the first hits could never break open that thing...so then I wised up, I was like... it's my birthday, it can be my turn when I want, right? But some little neighbor boy dickhead would always beat me to it... not matter what. No matter what.

She looks at her empty wrappers. She shoves all candy in scattered directions. At the Cupboard, she takes out knitting. She sits right by the Cupboard, frantically knitting something long, a scarf probably?

Well, WELL, this is peaceful too. Settles the mind. Knitting. KNITTING. Wish you woulda known my grandma... she taught me how to knit. Love knitting. Knit and pearl. Knit and pearl. My grandma always told me to be careful. Oh did she worry about me. Fucking nonstop. But not in that annoying let me be free kinda way... nah, she fuckin understood, even when I was little...she'd look in my eyes after I watched the Hunchback of Notre Dame or something like that and she'd see my little brain cooking up something and she'd sit me down and make me knit and told me to be careful. And I'd say, careful of what Grandma? And she'd look right in my eyes and say, careful of what you got going on in there. And I'd giggle, cuz I thought my grandma was silly. And I'd say in where? And she'd say, why were you crying earlier? Why were you doing this, why were you doing that? And I'd always explain exactly what I was thinking, even when I was just a little little kid... and she's say, that's all wonderful, honey. But just be careful.

She puts the knitting away. She then takes out a lawn chair and a shiny, tanning thing. She lounges for a while.

I've never been tan. I don't want to be tan. Why are we supposed to want to be tan? What can we, why are we...WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO ME

She puts in away. She stares at the Cupboard. She stares and paces and works herself into a frenzy as she takes nothing new out.

I can't! I CAN'T! I cannot distract myself enough. Not until you come here and talk to me. I've been told me have to sort shit out. We have to talk it out. Let's sort, man, let's talk. Please, Please. I can't wait anymore, I just can't. If I have to sit here with just my brain and my cupboard for one more minute I'm going to freak. I will freak. FREAK. Holy shit, where are you? WHERE ARE YOU? COME HERE PLEASE I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE THIS ANYMORE DON'T YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I DIDN'T REALLY DO ANYTHING WRONG WELL A LITTLE I KNOW BUT I'M SO SORRY FOR THAT I'M SO SORRY I JUST THINK THAT WE COULD FIGURE SOMETHING OUT IF YOU JUST STOPPED BEING STUBBORN CUZ YOU KNOW I'M SORRY YOU KNOW I'M WILLING TO WORK AND TRY AND I CAN ONLY BE WHAT AND WHO I AM BUT I KNOW I CAN BE A BETTER VERSION IF YOU JUST COME HERE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COME HERE.

She freaks, she collapses. She eventually looks back in the Cupboard. As she rifles through stuff, she stumbles on something. It's framed, it's a framed photo. She looks up, as she realizes... as she remembers. She cries, she smashes the frame.

Play 25

September 04, 2012

carpe diem or something

Each character works at their station, they talk sequentially-and are working individually towards the common goal

Yup: Today is the day

Yes: it's the day

Yeah: the day of days

Mmhmm: the motha fucking dayyyyy

Yup: It can't be that hard

Yes: It's not that hard

Yeah: not hard, not hard at all

Mmhmm: fuckin easyyyy

Yup: First, it's just this

Yes: just this

Yeah: just this

Mmhmm: just this, man

Yup: Then, some of that

Yes: That

Yeah: That

Mmhmm: that

Yup: And that's it

Yes: All it is

Yeah: Day of days!

Mmhmm: Fuckin right

Yup: Except

Yes: But

Yeah: You see,

Mmhmm: What is it?

Yup: Well, there's more

Yes: Always more

Yeah: So much more

Mmhmm: Big time

Yup: it is kinda hard

Yes: Oh yeah, quite hard

Yeah: difficult, indeed

Mmhmm: fuckin tough

Yup: No, no! Day of days

Yes: Today, today

Yeah: ah yes, today

Mmhmm: let's fuckin do this

Yup: all it takes is decision making

Yes: And strength

Yeah: and patience

Mmhmm: and will, man

Yup: But, I mean, why does it have to be today

Yes: Could be tomorrow

Yes: Or next week

Mmhmm: Next year, i'm young

Yup: There's time

Yes: Lots of time

Yeah: Just chill

Mmhmm: Plenty o' tiiime

Yup: Relax

Yes: relax

Yeah: Relax

Mmhmm: Just chill

Yup: Ugh! But no, what about

Yes: What about

Yeah: About what?

Mmhmm: About what?

Yup: Can't waste this

Yes: Don't waste it

Yeah: It's being wasted

Mmhmm: Not if I can help it!

Yup: It's time to choose

Yes: The choice is now

Yeah: What's it gonna be?

Mmhmm: WHAT'S THE ANSWER

Yup: Gotta stop wasting time

Yes: It's a ticking and ticking

Yeah: It's noon already!?!

Mmhmm: It's September already?!?

Yup: Now

Yes: Now

Yeah: Now

Mmhmm: Now

Yup: it's possible

Yes: It can be done

Yeah: It will be done

Mmhmm: Fuckin right

They stand from their desks, look at each other and nod

Play 24

September 04, 2012

Who Wins?

At a bar

Let's get more beer

from there or here?

The next place seems be quite alive

but parting from here will wreck my jive

just jive over there, it seems real fun

but jiving over there, i'll be the only one

i'll jive with you, we'll take on over

good, cuz everyone there looks mighty sober

it's friday night, the night of good times

and the night for far too many rhymes

rhymes are for energy, for the next hour

rhymes are to show how my brain can devour

a motive's a motive, so why're we standing still

cuz I want more than anything to prove my skill

it's proved, okay, so let's continue

continue where? Nothing's got a view

I thought we said, the next place'd be fine

fine is a level we ought to define

it won't be any worse than where we are now

you think you know this? Tell me how

they're lame in here, they're lame over there

guess everyone sucks, doesn't matter where

you and your pessimism, it's rather taxing

should I just be brainless? I guess that's more relaxing

You just never stop, it's tiring

yet my brain and my skills- you're admiring

Just stop, okay, let's get on with our night

you'll shut me down to avoid a fight?

This isn't a fight, it's you annoying me

pfff these are mad skills you're just getting for free

shut up! Come on, let's go get drunk

man if this was a class, you'd surely flunk

it's not a class, it's hanging out

but you would fail, no fucking doubt

this isn't about me or about you

then what's it about? I thought I knew

it's about having a time, not a dispute

but the times are boring, i'd rather refute

dude you really are intolerable

oh but so very knowledgable

i'm leaving now, with you or not

can I at least finish this drink I got?

Drink it fast, get yourself wasted

oh but it's nice, i'd rather it be tasted

I thought we were going out to rage...

and then this place made me feel in a cage

a cage? Why do you say that

I felt that way as soon as I sat

like you're trapped, or what, what do you mean

I mean, do you feel like you're here to be seen

I feel like I'm here so i'm not at home

and go to the same small places, pretend we can roam

well what is it we're supposed to do

I wish I knew, but I have no clue

well you clearly have an idea, or you woulda quit this

have you ever taken a shot you knew you'd miss

like a basketball shot? Yeah probably

or threw at a target you couldn't even see?

Sure. Okay, so what's your point?

Dude, let's go, let's smoke a joint

seems like you're way ahead of me on that

this is not the point i'm getting at

well make it already, so we can leave

you're happy? That's something I wouldn't believe

Why cuz i'm in a bar on a friday night?

Because you never stop and answer a question right

Who are you to say if i'm correct

i'm saying you're a video that cliches direct

And so are you, plus you're a dick

oh I see, it's all starting to click

no, asshole, I don't get your problem

just asking questions, asking how to solve them

all you've done is annoy me

think about it later, then you'll see

I'll see nothing, cuz you're just rhyming my words

And making you think about the absurd

no, you've made no points, just wasted my time

oooh time again! I gotta rhyme rhyme

Please make one point before I go

i'm just running in circles, giving you a show

well this was great, i'm out of here

oh oh oh, not without me dear

are you seriously gonna do this all night

it's as much wrong as it is right

really i'm just fucking sick of it

if that's all, I don't give a shit

Why are you doing this? What's the reason?

I always feel weird at the change of the season

So it's not gonna stop? Probably not...

It's this game I kinda like a lot

We're done hanging out I think

If you were a boat, you'd surely sink

Bye

Don't lie!

See you tomorrow

in joy and sorrow

fuck

what luck

SHUT UP

…....

SHUT UP

….....

SHUT UP

…. up is pretty hard to rhyme with

Later dude.

Play 23

September 04, 2012

Dog Sitting

They sit in their apartment

Savannah: Guys, meet... Tyler Durden.

Brigette: I'm sorry, who?

Savannah: His name, is Tyler Durden

Brigette: hahahaha... the dog is Tyler Durden

Savannah: Yes.

Brigette: Why do we have a dog?

Savannah: Well my manager Dukes is out of town and Josh couldn't take him because he had to do some moving around this week and Nicole couldn't take him because she, I can't remember what she said she had to do but so I was like the last pick, but I guess he's house broken and he just kinda stays in his crate, he's like four so it really shouldn't even be a big deal, it's only for a few days and then my other manager Becky is gonna take him but Becky was saying that she probably-

Brigette: oh god, shut up, you're dog sitting for your manager? Fine.

Sarah: Whiskey Cat is gonna be wayyy better than Tyler Durden

Savannah: Whiskey Cat?

Brigette: Yeah, that't the name of the cat we're getting

Savannah: Why's it named that?

Sarah: Cuz we're gonna train it to bring us shots of whiskey

Savannah: Oh perfect.

Brigette: Man guys, you know what I just realized.

Savannah: What

Sarah: What

Brigette: We have no value for memory anymore.

Savannah: Who's we?

Brigette: Like, as a generation.

Sarah: Why do you say that?

Brigette: Ok, because fucking everything is documented. Everything is somewhere. I never take pictures, really, until I got this fucking iphone, just cuz i'm trying... but anyway, I never take pictures. Like, when I went to Europe, my parents bought me a camera for Christmas, yelling at me that I couldn't go to Europe without a camera, and I took like 15 pictures and was annoyed by them all... and then when I went to Costa Rica, I didn't even bring a camera, I was there for two weeks and I went without any technology for the whole thing and I didn't even bring my ipod for the flight and-

Savannah: Brigette, you were making a point

Brigette: Oh, yeah, well, what i'm saying is... anyone who fucking knows me can see my trips to both of these places, like I didn't even document this shit, and anybody can look through all my pictures to see the places i've been. So why would I bother remembering it? Why would anyone bother remembering any details to later describe to someone, why would we enjoy a person's version of a story when we can just fucking log on and see all the time we took out of our trip to capture a blurry, distant picture of a sloth? Everything is documented, it just kinda makes me sad.

Savannah: anywayyyyyyyy

Sarah: Where's Tyler Durden?

Savannah: Oh, right here.

Brigette: That dog is fucking ugly

Savannah: No, come on, it's kinda cute

Brigette: No, it's not. It's ugly. Oh hey little fucking ugly guy... oh god damnit, Savannah, it's peeing

Savannah: What? Tyler Durden! Oh man

Brigette: It's whole body is shaking, this dog cannot control itself

Sarah: Guys, so I had this ideaaa

Brigette: Let's here it

Sarah: what if, we cover the walls with velcro and then we can just attach anything else that we put velcro on to the walls

Savannah: That's kinda retarded

Sarah: Yeah I know

Savannah: Sarah, you do whatever you want. Tyler Durden!

Brigette: Come here, little guy. The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about fight club. The second rule of Fight Club is you do NOT talk about fight club.

Savannah: You're scaring it.

Brigette: This dog is Tyler Durden, he's gotta be able to take it. Ohhhh if it's your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight.

Savannah: oh great, he peed again.

Sarah: this dog sucks

Brigette: This dog really sucks

Savannah: Oh come on, he's not so bad... he's kinda cute

Brigette: no, he's not. He sucks.

Sarah: Ew look at it's hairless belly.

Brigette: Guys, let's just get a naked mole rat.

Savannah: You would.

Brigette: I miss that naked mole rat I made. It was the greatest piece of physical art that I ever made.

Savannah: That thing was terrifying.

Brigette: Sarah, did I ever tell you about this?

Sarah: I don't think so...

Brigette: Well ya know how i'm really bad at like, visual art? Well I decided my senior year of high school for some reason to take the basic art class, like with all the freshman. And there were of course all sorts of like cliques in the class, and so I sat at the freak table... like this kid who thought he was a dinosaur and danced at lunch and was like I dunno, something was wrong with him. And then there was this mexican boy who was always wearing a hoodie that said “i didn't do it” and he was weird as hell, and then this girl who always wore like Pantera tshirts and her and her friends were obsessed with Foreverest, that band that our guy friends had in high school.

Sarah: haha you would enjoy this

Brigette: oh yeah, I had the greatest time. And obviously everything I made was pretty terrible, but when we were doing 3-D stuff, we had to make an animal out of clay... and all these freshman girls were doing like, butterflies and pandas and shit.. but I made this badass naked mole rat. It was amazing.

Savannah: It looked like a deformed penis with teeth and whiskers

Brigette: yeah. It looked exactly like a naked mole rat.

Savannah: Ya know, if we're gonna get a cat, we should probably just get a hairless one

Brigette: Like Dr. Evil

Savannah: I mean, doesn't that just make sense...

Brigette: It's like, if we're gonna have a cat... it should probably be the ugliest thing possible

Sarah: Why don't we just get a parrot? Or our teacup pig?

Brigette: Let's get a teacup pig and a potbelly pig.

Savannah: Yeaahhh

Sarah: What were we gonna name the potbelly pig?

Brigette: Lady Macbeth

Savannah: Well what we really need to do is apply for the artist grant so we can get a monkey

Sarah: Why so we can have a pet to eat our faces off

Brigette: Man imagine a monkey on bath salts, it would probably eat a lot of faces

Savannah: All I ever wanted was a monkey named Eugene who sat on the couch with me, and smoked blunts and we'd eat Ben & Jerry's....

Brigette: Wait what was I gonna call it

Savannah: Oh, what was it..

Brigette: Oh I know, The Ancient Mariner. I told Savannah that no matter what she named the monkey that I was gonna call it The Ancient Mariner

Savannah: And she was gonna confuse it

Brigette: Whatever

Savannah: Where's Tyler Durden?

Sarah: That dog is not cool enough for that name. He does not deserve to be called Tyler Durden.

Brigette: I know. I had really high hopes for this dog to be super awesome.

Savannah: Yeah, he does suck, doesn't he? Ugh, well, we'll just call him Tyler.

Sarah: How long is it gonna be here?

Savannah: I dunno, til Wednesday? TYLER!

Brigette: And you lost it

Savannah: I did not! TYLER! Oh fuck, Tyler! Tyler got into my peanuts.

Brigette: Ooooh, that's probably not good for him

Savannah: Oh, man, oh god, he kinda ate a lot

Sarah: A lot of peanuts?

Brigette: That is not gonna be good for him.

Savannah: Oh my god, he's gonna shit just peanuts. He ate a lot of peanuts. Oh my god, he better stop shitting peanuts before Dukes gets back. Oh my god.

Sarah: That dog sucks.

Brigette: That dog totally sucks.

Savannah: He does suck, doesn't he?

Brigette: It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything

Savannah: What?

Brigette: Fight Club

Sarah: Fuck Tyler Durden.

Play 22

September 04, 2012

a celebration

Look what I made!

Is that a, what is that?

Raspberry torte cake

My favorite!

Your favorite

You did not have to do that, you know

I know, I've just been baking a lot anyway, I've gotten really into baking, so like... I just figured you deserved it! A perfect birthday cake!

I can't even believe you remember what my favorite is

I remember everything

You always did have a really impressive memory

fuck yeah. Nothing's changed

nothing's changed?

Haha you know what I mean.

I know. Haha so, um, what has changed?

You mean, like, big picture?

Yeah

Lots, man. Lots. I was just saying the other day, I can't even remember what I thought about in high school... who I was. At every stage, I feel like I have such a good hold on stuff, really know what's up know who I am and then a few years later, I can't even imagine what it was that I was worried about or concerned with or laughing about even. It's weird.

Hmm, yeah. Things have been pretty different for me, too.

I bet.

You first, though, you first. I wanna know what's going on. I wanna know who this new person is in front of me if you're soooo different from your high school version.

Haha, ya know, I was reading our old Facebook messages the other day.

Oh yeah?

Yeah, like ones we sent when we were like freshman in college. Trust me, you'd think what I've been thinking.. like why was I typing like that? What was I even talking about? Haha they were really dumb.

Yeah I think it's safe to say I wasn't the smartest my freshman year of college.

Think you were getting pretty crazy up there... seemed mostly out of boredom from being in the middle of nowhere

You have no idea

I think you mentioned in one of your messages that Sasquatch's sister had a crush on you...

Wow. Mean.

I'd say so...

God, I was an 18 year old boy.

And I was an 18 year old girl. It seriously feels so long ago, it's insane. I was a completely different person. Well, ya know, I've said it quite a bit... but September 21^st, 2010 changed the person that I am, the person i've become

I'm, I'm really sorry

No, dude. Don't be sorry. I mean, it's crazy to imagine how I would be different if that day didn't happen, if it didn't mean anything to me

haha yeah, I mean... me too

God, of course. So tell me about you, what's going on with you

You haven't even told me what your'e up to! Just that you've changed, which like... obviously you're gonna change as you grow up...

I haven't grown up, I really don't think that... I mean, I guess after that day, I started to really understand the depth of feeling more, like once you get to that point... it's easier to understand the realms and the layers that we all have. And like, when we were in high school, I always thought that knowing who I was had to rooted in principle, and sticking to my guns or whatever... but after what happened and then various other things, falling in love for the first time, what have you...i realized that it had to be rooted in experiences. So I realized all the things I hadn't felt, hadn't experienced. I mean, shit, it has made me such a more insightful performer! And, just a more insightful person in general, I guess. It's easier for me to, well maybe not easier, but it's more comprehensible for me to really sympathize with the world, with people who have felt equally and surely even huger things than i've felt. It makes me really realize all the things I'll never feel and all the ways I can't think about stuff. And that kinda makes me extremely sad and makes me kinda crave feeling stuff I don't think I actually would want to feel... which is kinda sick. I dunno, I guess I always thought I was quirky crazy... but now I guess it's easier to get really really wrapped up in my thoughts.. not that I think I'm actually crazy, I dunno... I've definitely learned and changed a lot.. which has been actually pretty awesome.

So what are your goals?

My goals?

Yeah, you were always such a goal oriented person... I can only assume you have them still

haha yeah, I have all sorts of huge goals... I guess I spend most of my time just working on things that are on my mind these days, smaller projects that I really do will ultimately come together and kinda... become my body of work. And who knows what will happen once there is a body of work, especially if i'm proud of it. I mean... it's so tempting to read like famous people's wikipedias and be like what they were this by the time they were 24, I'm not far from 24 holy shit what am I doing blah blah blah... when it's really like I just have to do my work and really be okay with my path, ya know?

I mean, I get it. I can't really, um, relate too much

Oh my god. I'm so sorry. God all this shit just seems so small and trivial compared to, like, the big stuff. I guess you know about the big stuff, don't you?

Well, yeah, sorta

Teach me. Man, I find myself so caught up in fucking dumb stuff all the time, ya know? It's sick and then I all of a sudden take the step back to big picture it all... and then I just start crying cuz I feel so stupid and like a dumb fucking blind human.

Don't do that

What

Don't call yourself a dumb, blind person. If there's anything I can say, it's don't bother with that kind of stuff.

What kind of stuff? God, I just have so many fucking questions. I mean, so I graduated and moved and now and just trying to do stuff. But like, what have you been doing? What's happened? Why do you get to celebrate this birthday with me? How are you? Have you changed?

Of course I have. Of course.

Tell me about it! Tell me about it all.

… you know I can't

Why? Why can't you?

Come on. You know I can't.

Please. Just a little bit. It's been almost four years, I'm sure you have something to share!

Well obviously I have things to share... but any answer I give, it's not gonna do you any good.

What? How could you possibly say that? All I want is to soak in as much as humanly possible. I'd give anything to know, just... how you are, how you've been?

I mean, I could tell you a lot of things... but you'll already know the answers

No, I don't... I mean, of course I've imagined some stuff, but like... I don't know the answers, I want to hear them from you

If you hear them from me, that doesn't make them not from you

Don't say that

Come on

Please don't say that, don't say that, come on, just tell me it's clouds and floating, tell me it's puzzles with answers, tell me it's even harder than before, tell me you see us, tell me you never see us... just tell me, tell me

you know I can't

YES YOU CAN

No. No, I can't. Come on.

(crying) yes you can. Yes you can yes you can.

I get it, dude. You think it's easy for me to be here?

Sure

You really think that?

It can't be that difficult, though, right? Cuz you're not

No, I'm not

Come back

I'm so sorry

At least have a piece of cake...?

You really are too thoughtful

Ya know, I just keep waiting... for these days to not feel like this. But they're just the annual reminder that even though everything has changed and I can do whatever it is that I want... that these days still matter. They still carry the same weight as they did before. No matter how many years have gone by.

You should probably stop doing this to yourself.

What?

Throwing birthday parties? Reading messages... reliving the experience of knowing me, just to realize...

That i'm sitting here alone with your birthday cake

You're not making it any easier on yourself

But should I? Should I make it easier? Isn't this what I was just saying? It's like, discounting myself from feeling emotions, isn't it?

Not if it's a form of masochism, no. You're doing it to yourself.

I know, but I, I, I just really missed you today

And I miss you

So what do we do...

Have a piece of cake. Go meet up with someone you love. That's probably the best we got.

That doesn't really seem like enough.

It won't seem like enough until you decide it's enough.

Okay.

Okay?

Okay.

Play 21

September 04, 2012

sir yes sir

Mr. D: Jordan, can we speak to you in my office real quick?

Jordan: Um, yeah, sure

Mr. D: Great.

Jordan: What's going on, sir?

Mr. D: Well, first and foremost, we wanted to make it very clear how fortunate we were to have you transferred over to us.

Jordan: oh, well thank you sir, thanks a lot, it was my pleasure

Mr. D: without even knowing, we seemed to have stumbled upon a very useful contributor to our work here

Jordan: Sir, thank you, that's very flattering

Mr. D: Now, there is a serious matter we do need to discuss with you. We feel it's important to-

Jordan: Um, sorry sir to interrupt, but who is we?

Mr. D: Pardon?

Jordan: It's just, you've said we a whole bunch of times already, and I just wanted to know who we is...

Mr. D: Me. I. I feel it's important that-

Jordan: Um, alright

Mr. D: I feel it's important to express to you, as soon as we, as I could, the next phase of your responsibilities here.

Jordan: The next phase?

Mr. D: Oh yes

Jordan: Um, no disrespect sir, but I was under the impression that I was going to be allowed to continue working on my current project through completion, despite being transferred over here.

Mr. D: yes, Jordan, I understand that that may have been the impression you were given, especially by your former bosses, but for the good of the company, and we really really value employees who are always looking out for the good of the company, we are gonna talk about the next phase.

Jordan: Sure

Mr. D: Now, of course we want you to continue with the current project you're working on, very much so... these things will just come in addition. You of course can take your time, but there will be deadlines, as you can imagine. You're going to be asked to oversee the disasters.

Jordan: The disasters? Sir, that seems like an awful huge jump from-

Mr. D: from lack of clean water? I knew you'd think that. But really, all it truly is is maintenance... same as you're used to. You're not being asked to make any sorts of decisions, just oversee, check for smooth sailing, you might say. Now as you grow with us, and based on how you handle the maintenance, you may be eventually asked to sit in on the board, to be a contributor to decisions. And once you're asked to sit in, it's only a matter of time until you become a member and then you're really making decisions. You seem like the kind of guy that wants to make decisions, amiright? And here, we really value employees who like to make decisions. How's this sounding?

Jordan: I mean, it all sounds rather intimidating sir. I guess I had never pictured what came after, um after this job, I guess. I mean, it all sounds quite challenging and like I could hopefully contribute some real insight or at least selfishly, some brain power to it all...

Mr. D: Yes, well, we're not looking for your selfish brain power son, we're looking for action takers. I understand in a lot of ways, this job doesn't seem like a glorious one, and this company doesn't seem like maybe it'll be along forever... but you trust me. I've seen people come and i've seen people go, and i've seen my company stand through thick and thin in order to watch others stand through thick and thin. And I've watched the moral dilemmas. I've watched the weak misunderstand the big picture of this place. So I need you, as we present these new obligations you're expected to handle, to really ask yourself whether you feel you have the character, whether you have the strength to continue with this company. Because the whole water deal isn't going to be around too much longer, it's a changing world, ya know... but disasters, disasters is something we are going to be dealing with for, well for as long as we can.

Jordan: Sir I think i've been misled as to what um, this company was about...

Mr. D: Excuse me?

Jordan: Well, at my old location, I, well, I was working towards a solution

Mr. D: What kind of solution?

Jordan: Well, with the whole water thing... it wasn't so much of a decision or a distribution as it was a collecting of data and an analysis of data and kinda piecing together what we knew and who we could help-

Mr. D: You were “helping” at the other location?

Jordan: well, maybe not helping, not in so many words, um, I, I mean, I'm just not sure I have the kind of character that you're looking for, um, especially not for disasters...

Mr. D: You were a perfect candidate, though.

Jordan: Why? How was I possibly a perfect candidate?

Mr. D: well we've really looked at the work you've done with water, and with pollution before that, and I'm not entirely sure who you've been talking with that has convinced you you're “helping”... but um, we've seen what you've contributed. Disasters would be an incredible step up for you, I'm actually quite confused as to what the problem is.

Jordan: But, um, I have been helping people. The research I've done, I've investigated the reasons why things are happening, extensively, I've researched, finding a solution, for the next step, the next step forward

Mr. D: Oh, Jordan. I hate to be the one to break this to you, but your research, your investigations, they're not, well, that information isn't being used to stop these things, you do know that, right?

Jordan: I don't think I know what you mean

Mr. D: That information is acquired by us, and then leaked to those below us, those not in decision making fields or researching fields... those that are in the justifying fields. That information is given to those who have to answer to the general public. By understanding the reasons and the possible motives and justifications, they are able to pacify those who look to them for answers. They, of course, are experts at taking the numbers and information you give them, and twisting it to serve many purposes but, um, it's for means of perpetuation. You haven't been finding solutions, son, you've been finding answers to questions that need answers but really, we don't want answered

Jordan: How has this never been explained to me before?

Mr. D: Well, would you have done it still?

Jordan: Absolutely not! I joined this company to find solutions, to look for answers, to help people! I want to help people! There's so much wrong, I thought by being directly involved in what goes wrong, that I could help it go right! I need it to go right!

Mr. D: Well, if things go right, a lot of people are out of jobs.

Jordan: Okay so we're out of jobs, but millions of people are happier? Safer? Healthier? How can this be justified?

Mr. D: Do you have student loans?

Jordan: Yes

Mr. D: Do you like your apartment? Your clothes? Your meals? Jobs are jobs, my boy, and the sooner you realize that and stop with this martyr business, the happier you'll be. The healthier you'll be. Does that make sense.

Jordan: Yes sir.

Mr. D: So what's it gonna be?

Jordan: I, I need some time to thin-

Mr. D: Then you're fired. We need people who make decisions, who are ready to do a job, to do their job and do it well. So enjoy unemployment, enjoy your debt, enjoy your making the world a nice clean lovely place while you starve and crawl back to your parents who, I'm sure, did a whole bunch of jobs that didn't make them happy just so you could have some opportunities. Enjoy. Good day.

Jordan: Well, sir, I didn't say no, I just... will you reconsider.

Mr. D: It's water and disasters, or nothing.

Jordan: Okay, okay, I'll do it.

Mr. D: And you'll do it well. And you'll research this company and you'll learn every detail of what you're contributing to. Okay? You might as well know. And you might as well enjoy that paycheck you get knowing you did a job well, regardless of the job.

Jordan: Yes sir.

Mr. D: Excellent. Good talk, Jordan. Go about your business.

Jordan: Yes sir.

Play 20

September 04, 2012

it becomes clearer and then less clear

Scene 1

Name: FRESHNESS

Rope: Freshness?

Name: Rigorous freshness. I sensed it, from the beginning. I wasn't wrecked like you or your friends, I was clean and I was solid and I moved with decision and precision. I'm stronger than you, okay, stronger and better and smarter and everything, okay. And i've figured out the position I can deal with, and it's all about freshness. I saw your eyes flicker when I mentioned last week, I saw your cheek twitching when I mentioned last month, I saw it. I saw it all. I saw it all. You are done. Done.

Rope: I feel, rather...

Name: Insulted? I'm sure. Because i'm saying harsh things. And I want to see you upset. I'm looking to insult. I want it to be clear, very very clear... done.

Rope: how long have you been practicing that speech you just gave?

Name: what? Fuck. Off.

Rope: My friend, I fear that you-

Name: You fear? YOU FEAR? Fuck you. Fuck you and fuck whatever your fear is

Scene 2

Rope: Have you ever been about to do something completely normal? Like you're heading to work or something, like something you've done for months on end, but you start to notice that your body is telling you you're nervous? Like your hands are clammy and your stomach feels unsettled, not unsettled like you ate bad chicken salad sandwiches or something and not unsettled like you just saw that girl you've been sending unanswered text messages to at the bar and not unsettled like you did something wrong, like you're about to get caught... but unsettled like nervous. Like extremely fucking nervous. Like you're about to go on stage and you can't remember your first line nervous. Or you're about to tell your parents you put their car in the ditch nervous. And you become a little too conscious of your breathing, like why is my chest moving up and down so much, does it always move up and down this much? Is this how to breathe? I don't remember how to breathe, I don't remember what I was going to say. You can't remember not thinking about all your involuntary functions, you're just like how am I even pumping blood still, am I pumping blood? Check your pulse, frantically feeling around your wrist, then your neck and you can't find it, you have no pulse, how does your heart know what to do? And blinking and sneezing and breathing, mostly the breathing. And your palms are sweaty. Really sweaty. And all of a sudden, you very consciously take a deep breath in and the air and the sweat and the worry swirls around in your head and you say, maybe even out loud, probably accidentally out loud if it's out loud, what's wrong with me? What's happening... why am I... nervous? Nothing is wrong, nothing is new or scary or wrong. So you hold up your right hand to see if it's still shaking, it is. And you kinda just feel like this til you don't? Know what I mean?

Scene 3

Name: So you know how I went to a liberal arts college?

Rope: Mmhhmm

Name: well, at a liberal arts college, you have to get a full rounded, branded “liberal arts” education while you're there. Which basically means you gotta take classes in all areas, right? So even if you're studying something like art, you gotta take math classes... or if you're like a physics major, you still have to take like intro to acting or something, right? Well we had a set up where the month of January was like a separate term, and you could just take one class all month or like get an internship or work or something, and there were all these trips that would get you different credits, but you also got to go somewhere as like an extended field trip type thing. So my last year of college, I, for one of my science credits for graduation, I took a trip that counted for biology and neuroscience and I went to Costa Rica to hike around the rain forest. So every day there was like, something we had to focus on as we hiked around... like bug day, and fungi day and whatever... so it was bird day, right? And so me and some other kids were out hiking, looking for a place to settle and do some bird watching, and as we settled in to this spot, I spotted something. Now there are three types of monkeys in Costa Rica, howler monkeys, spider monkeys and capuchins. Everyone on our trip had seen lots of howlers and quite a few spiders, but noone had seen any capuchins. In the field house, there was actually a map of where capuchins had been spotted, so like it was kinda rare. So I looked up in the trees and I spot this capuchin, right? And I get the rest of the group's attention, and we kinda start whispering to each other that capuchins are rarely by themselves (something we had learned, you see) and so we kinda started looking for the partner or two. Suddenly we spot them, there are three capuchins. And we're standing in the middle of the path, and they like see us, do some monkey business, and then cross the path and head off. Now two people in my group kinda follow them a bit down the trail and for whatever reason, they decide to come back across the path, over our heads again. So by this time, it becomes pretty clear that they know we're there and are reacting to it, ya know. So I watch this one specific capuchin, who is larger than the others and appears to be more commanding, like some sort of leader and I see him head out to this branch, I have this very clear view of this monkey out on this branch, okay, and... I will never forget the way he looked and this sound he let out. He was perched there and he just let out the most barbaric, guttural screech I've ever heard. So we started wondering if he was pissed or what, like why he made that call. Not even five minutes later, we just start hearing more rustling and a bunch of stuff going on in the trees above us. And then we just start noticing capuchin after capuchin after capuchin. Like double digit capuchins, probably fifteen I would say. They just start coming from everywhere, they're on all sides. And like we were taught you're not supposed to smile at them because that's like baring your teeth and is a sign of aggression, except I could not help it because it was so amazing, like you look up in the sky and there's one here and here and there and there. But I mean, it was kinda scary once we started thinking about it, it's like shit, what's going to happen, like these monkeys seem pretty pissed... and like, as we just stood there doing nothing, making no sudden movements or anything, I guess the situation just kinda diffused, and they just left us alone and went about their business again... but like, it made me realize for the first time how much the world wasn't only ours, that we were in someone else's territory and that this place belongs to a lot of creatures, all doing their version of living and their version of existence, ya know?

Rope: woah, dude. That's a true story?

Name: well... it's my ex-girlfriend's story but..

Rope: huh

Scene 4

Name: hey dude

Rope: what's up

Name: I don't feel good

Rope: um, sorry?

Name: that's it?

Rope: uh, yup. Whattya want? Me to rub your tummy or cut a baby aspirin in half?

Name: Well, I kinda just wanted an apology?

Rope: an apology?

Name: I mean, well, yeah, it's kinda your fault

Rope: Oh really? Do tell, amigo

Name: You don't know?

Rope: no

Name: If you don't know, I don't want to tell you

Rope: Don't be a bitch, okay, whatever

Name: You really are an asshole

Rope: And you're a bitch.

Name: Sure

Scene 5

Rope: What'd she say

Name: um, nothing, really

Rope: I'm sorry, man

Name: why?

Rope: I dunno, cuz I knew it was important to you

Name: well, just stop, okay

Rope: Sure

Scene 6

Rope: It's a lot for a person to take... loss, ya know? It takes a lot of reflection, let's say. And if you can't properly reflect, well, things are difficult. I know that I would have a difficult time dealing, like really dealing, if I wasn't able to sit and mull and realize for hours on end, just coiled in a state of perpetual stasis, not having to make decisions... not able to make decisions, so fortunate enough to not have to make any. But there are dates and times and reminders and yearbooks and scrapbooks and alarm clocks, lots of alarm clocks that, well, don't make things easy. It's hard to watch this happen. It's hard to rest and to collect and to divide compassion. It's a lot easier to say things are hard out loud, ya know? A lot easier to just state it, to type it up or to scribble it down on the grocery list. That's a lot easier than the swirl, the clouds forming, the storm brewing, the swirl. Then again it's a lot easier to establish what's easy and what's hard than it is to sit in your own fucking head and make decisions and find answers. But that's reflection. Reflection vs. expression, sorta. Oh fuck it, it's all hard.

Scene 7

Name: it's weird when all of a sudden you can exactly, in full fucking detail, explain your fear. Your number one, like haunts you even when you can finally convince yourself to fall asleep, fear. Cuz you spend so much of your time seeking the fun, seeking the positive, those hilarious little anecdotes that teach you lessons and entertain your friends. That is what makes a life, don't you know! Those stories that you hold on to that once you've established yourself with a lovely wife and lovely children, you remember. And then as your children go to college, you tell them about the days you used to pass out drunk and smoke bowls before you went to strip clubs. All those silly, silly days. Those are the things that establish understanding and a perspective. Right? Right? The small details become your personal collection, and whatever kind of collection you have, shows what kind of person you are. The descriptions become content. And the fears, well, they're just background noise. That's the goal at least, right? Right?

Scene 8

Rope: have you seen the mail?

Name: nope

Rope: have you turned the tv on?

Name: Nope

Rope: have you showered today?

Name: Nope

Rope: have you eaten today?

Name: Nope

Rope: have you laughed today?

Name: Nope

Rope: have you cried today?

Name: Nope

Rope: have you been breathing today?

Name: Nope

Rope: can you hear me

Name: (just stares at him)

Scene 9

Name: HEY! Hey, it's time to go

Rope: just a second

Name: No come on we gotta go nowwwww

Rope: just go without me

Name: you know that's not an option, dude

Rope: Ugh, well just give me a bit

Name: no, fuck, come onn

Rope: just go then!

Name: you know I can't

Rope: just fucking go

Name: YOU KNOW I FUCKING CAN'T

Scene 10

Name: Okay, I've gotten in this habit of telling other people's stories from my perspective, right? So, I'll be completely open right off... this is my father's story. It's a good story, though, so I'll tell it as his. My dad had one younger brother who was very close in age to him, and because of this, as well as an active disposition in this manner, my father became very, very competitive. So one day when they were in like middle school maybe, they were playing a round of one-on-one basketball...now my uncle was better at basketball than my dad, and after angering my father upon beating him in basketball, had learned it was better to get a running head start and get away before my dad could like, beat him up for winning. Because of this, he practiced and had just about perfected a certain shot that he would take and then just start running as my father watched the ball sink and the game finalize. Then he would try to catch my uncle, who was long up the road. So one day, this very jump shot occurs and off goes my uncle.. my dad in a streak of anger picked up a huge rock, like as big as his palm would hold and just whips it in the general direction of my sprinting uncle. Now to this day, my dad swears that had he just kept running, nothing would have happened (passing the blame, of course) but just as the rock had reached it's highest point, my uncle slowed down, and slowly turned around to check the progress of my dad. Upon turning, well, the rock hit him right in the face. So my uncle falls, his face is bleeding, but upon reaching him, my dad finds out he's okay other than the bleeding facial wound, and so his next sentence is... “any way we can not tell mom and dad about this?”

Scene 11

Rope: hahahahahahahhahaha

Name: ohh, what is it?! What are you laughing at?

Rope: hahahahhahahahahahahaaaaaa

Name: oh man! What is it?!?!?

Rope: whooo whoooo, oh man hahahaha

Name: HEY! What are you laughing at? Hahah

Rope: oh you missed it?

Name: missed what!?!

Rope: oh... I guess you missed it

Scene 12

Name: That's it

Rope: What's it?

Name: I just... can't. I can't.

Rope: Can't what?

Name: you know.

Rope: know what?

Name: Come on, just come off it, I can't. That's it.

Rope: Are you sure?

Name: ya know, constantly I am sure. Just, sure. Thanks, by the way, thanks, thanks for fucking convincing me that I should be sure. God damnit, ya know, I pretty much just think about her, and when I stop thinking about her, and stop myself from talking at her, I look at you. And I talk... to you. And what I really want is, I want to talk to my grandma, or my best friend from fifth grade, or... or her, I guess. But I talk at her, and I talk at you... and I, I, I just... I think it's probably time, probably best...

Rope: You've been fighting pretty hard... I think-

Name: You don't get to think, mother fucker. Okay?

Rope:... Okay

Scene 13

Name lays on the floor, the pill bottle can be seen

Rope sits on the floor, at a distance, knees bent, hands on head, breathing

Play 19

September 04, 2012

cleared

Two best friends weed a garden together

1: I'm a catalyst

2: I'm a scientist

1: I'm Fahrenheit

2: I'm sub zero

1: I'm absolute zero

2: I'm more serious than you

1: I'm more fragile than you

2: I'm more attractive than you

1: I'm more attractive than you

2: I'm small

1: I'm not small

2: I'm restless

1: I'm tired

2: I'm a lot more this than I was before

1: I'm a lot less this than I was earlier

2: I'm thinking

1: I'm considering

2: I'm delusional

1: I'm insane

2: I'm correct

1: I'm correct

2: I'm different from the rest

1: I'm unique

2: I'm literally nothing like anyone i've ever met ever

1: I'm so unique

2: I'm overwhelmed by my own brilliance

1: I'm underwhelmed by my so-called friends

2: I'm saying what I'm saying cuz that's what I gotta say

1: I'm saying what I'm saying cuz it's what I think

2: I'm independent

1: I'm an independent thinker

2: I'm sure I see life here

1: I'm sure I appreciate life

2: I'm the kind who really appreciates all things

1: I'm the kind who remembers the past and looks forward to the future

2: I'm the kind who appreciates the past and revels in the idea of the future

1: I'm the kind who never runs out

2: I'm the kind who keeps on going

1: I'm not tired

2: I'm so full of energy

1: I'm so proud of us

2: I'm so excited about this all

they don't seem proud or excited, they kinda just work in silence for a long time

1: I'm bored

2: I'm bored

Play 18

September 04, 2012

Thirsty Thursday

Sir- a finance guy, attractive, charming, in the appropriate finance guy attire, some sort of like, cornflower blue shirt or whatever, you know, yellow tie? Not old, by any means, so that “sir” is almost a joke or sassy choice

Honey: a server and “artist” (if we must, but it's just the quickest), quick witted, has a pretty hard time putting up with shit and not saying something, cute but odd

Sir: No, no no, come back here. I got a little something to say to you

Honey: Um, no sir, that's okay

Sir: No, listen, I mean, let me apologize for my behavior and I'd really like a little time to actually explain to you...

Honey: All due respect, sir... um, it's fine, and I'm actually kinda busy right now with my work, so we can just move on, it's not a big deal.

Sir: What, you don't think you should listen to what I have to say?

Honey: Um, yeah, I don't think that's what I said... I'm pretty sure that I just have work to do, and if I have a chance later, we can discuss whatever it is, truly, I just have a swamped section right now, and lots of people needing drinks and stuff, ya know, I just gotta go

Sir: It is not that busy in here

Honey: You don't know what my duties are

Sir: I have an idea... I've been here before. You guys are never that busy.

Honey: haha, ugh fine, what is it that's so important

Sir: Babe, what's your name

Honey: My name's Honey.

Sir: Honey. Excellent.

Honey: Yeah, family name, whatever

Sir: Well, honey, I need you to excuse what happened back there. My friends are drunk assholes, right, you work in a bar... I'm sure you can realize and accept a genuine apology.

Honey: Sure. Thanks, though, yeah, I appreciate it

Sir: And now for what I think you need explained to you

Honey: Um, oh?

Sir: Yeah, honey, girls like you, sometimes they need things ya know, explained to them

Honey: Oh, yes, sir, please go on

Sir: Sometimes you're gonna meet assholes, and they're gonna be assholes to you, and you're gonna stand there for a bit and think to yourself, what's this guy's fucking problem? I mean, who does he think he is... um, Honey, dear, are you listening to me?

Honey: haha Not really

Sir: I think this could be valuable information to you.

Honey: um, haha, I think you're being a little condescending, so I'd appreciate it if you made your point so I can continue working.

Sir: See, this I what i'm talking about... the sharp tongue, the don't-give-a-shit attitude, nose rings, tattoos, working in a bar... I mean, you're just such a classic example of the “girl with daddy issues” character that has become the attractive or endearing girl of your generation... you're clearly intelligent, why don't you find like a nice company to work for, to let you give them some creative ideas or whatever, and let yourself stop dealing with shit like this bar, things like dealing with my buddies.

Honey: Daddy issues?

Sir: What, was that too far?

Honey: It's pretty presump-

Sir: Ya know, I don't give a shit if it's too far, cuz it's fucking true. I'm so sick of these fucked up girls feeling bad for themselves just because something sorta bad but also just sorta normal happened to them. Big fucking deal. Bad things happen, you don't get to fuck with people's heads just because you think it's justified

Honey: Someone's been hurt

Sir: Um. Yeah, um, what? um excuse me for that.

Honey: You don't have to feel bad about it.

Sir: I just, I know your type of girl, and I just think that you've a long way to go

Honey: Dude, sir, um, whatever your reason for being incredibly personal and forward with me tonight does not give you the right to assume anything about me or to try and make me feel bad about anything. I already know what you have to say anyway, that being smart and pretty, why wouldn't I take a stable job that pays me well and get married and have children so that I can perpetuate the cycle of man as we spiral and spiral and spiral. Sorry to break it to you, dude, and I'm sorry some mean, broken girl artist or whatever broke your heart, really I am.. but someone's gotta break it to you... you're the asshole you're warning me about.

Sir: Well I don't think that's an appropriate thing to say to someone like me.

Honey: and who exactly are you?

Sir: Excuse me?

Honey: I mean, why do you get to come here and tell me any way to think. I can pretty much guarantee our lives have been pretty fucking different, sir, and just because you made the choices you made and that has somehow bestowed a certain societal status for some reason on you (well, money and normalcy, mostly)... well I'm sorry, that does not give you any right to make some blanket statement about all girls who have their noses pierced. And it's the fucking assholes like you who are gonna try to tell me that what i'm doing isn't good enough because you see me here, just making some dumb fucking money so I can live in this city. And newsflash, asshole, I triple majored in college, overloaded every single semester, did extracurriculars, graduated in four years, magna cum laude. Okay, so working in a bar is actually a pretty great break for the ruthless academic and performance based schedule that I'm used to. Plus, I have a whole bunch of pursuits and projects that I spend every moment that I'm not here consumed in. Okay, so don't try to tell me that I should have gotten my accounting degree so I could live in a fucking character-less house and live a character-less existence. Enjoy your office, enjoy your fucking DVR'd television shows every other night and enjoy your happy hour drunken confidence. Worry about yourself okay, stop thinking you know so fucking much and fucking nut up. Dude. Get it together and pursue what it is that makes you happy. Don't do it for that average bitch you've been sleeping with who you think you could stand to marry, don't do it for parents who will die, but not until you spend a whole bunch of time doing shit you don't want to do, and don't do it directionless, cuz that's just lazy... but why not just fucking go for it. Just go for it, okay? Why is that so fucking difficult for everyone? All you motherfuckers earning your big fucking money so you can impress whoever the fuck you think needs impressing with a boat or a vacation or something fucking meaningless so you can all sleep at night never paying any goddamn attention to fucking anything. Fuck all you assholes, fuck the society you've created and ya know, if you can hear nothing else from what I have to say... at the very least, just keep your hands to yourself when you come out for fucking well whiskey after work.

Sir: umm, Honey

Honey: Sir, excuse me for that... um, I'm sorry..Really, genuinely I know you were just trying-

Sir: That was um, offensive Listen, I..

Honey: I cannot apologize enough, sir, I was completely out of line, I'll pay for your meal or your tab or whatever. You clearly just hit a nerve with me, and it was very inappropriate, again I'm sorry

Sir: Well, I mean, you got me thinking...

Honey: Oh, uh really?

Sir: Well yeah, you uh, you said a lot there and um

Honey: I was just talking just generally, ya know...

Sir: Well, and I think one very clear came out of this whole thing...

Honey: Yeah, uh, tell me what you think

Sir: Looks like someone needs to get laid

Honey: Excuse me?

Sir: Yeahhh baby, what do you say

Honey: um. Fuck this. I have work to do, asshole.

Play 17

September 04, 2012

I'm Really Good At This

Erin and Aaron walk around a museum

Erin: That one's cool

Aaron: that one's kinda cool

Erin: ooh I love that one

Aaron: why

Erin: well, it, um, I dunno

Aaron: ohhh that one's awesome

Erin: why

Aaron: I dunno

they pause, address the audience separately

Erin: it just becomes this constant asking of the same question, too much or not enough. Did I say too much or not enough. Did I give enough directions? Too few? Not enough hints or not enough moves? Not enough interest on my side or just not interesting enough? Should it be perfect? Why shouldn't it be?

Oh how nice, how gracious and optimistic

seriously though, why should it be? Cuz we walked out of a bar at the same time and you were holding a pack of newports. But, then again, if that's not enough of a reason, what is?

But I still haven't figured out if it's fucking worth it, ya know... I mean, look at us. We're in a fucking haven of culture, potential inspiration on like 80 percent of our surroundings, and look at us...

unpause

Aaron: That is beautiful

Erin: I agree, it reminds me of this time when I was a kid, it's quite visceral.

Aaron: oh really that's cool

pause

Erin: See? See what I mean? And I dunno, it's not that I want it to be perfect, it obviously can't be perfect, will never be perfect, but I'm sick of being the entertaining one, I'm sick of being the cooky interesting little energy bubble that is great to have around when she's being funny but is ultimately fucking expendable for someone who I dunno, will watch your favorite tv show for hours and never say a word about any thoughts or opinions or whatever. But I can only do this for so long. It's like in order to figure out who isn't boring, I have to be boring. But like, this is boring. And he's not really that cute, and what? We like a few of the same bands? Big fucking deal. God, I dunno, I can't even enjoy myself around all this gorgeous stuff. And i'm gonna go home and not stop thinking about it, i'm gonna imagine myself saving him, myself falling madly in love so that we absolutely need each other. And then I'll keep thinking and i'll realize all these things that are wrong with him... and like, maybe he's lying, or maybe he is just having a good time and here I am still thinking about him, and it's not that i'm actually obsessed it's just I get going and can't stop imagining all these scenarios and i'm bound to convince myself that i'm in love and that i'm completely not in love in the same sitting. And it's like, maybe I should just stop overthinking it, right? But why would I look for a situation that doesn't allow me to think as much as I want, as much as I can? Shit, I dunno. I'll just reason out all the reasons why I might as well be in love with him and immediately imagine all the reasons I shouldn't even bother and might as well just head home and read another poem or something. But it's just, it's made me... it's

Unpause

Erin: hey, are you having fun

Aaron: Kinda

Erin: well what's wrong

Aaron: I pretty much hate art museums

Erin: Oh well shit, why didn't you just say that..we could have gone like, to batting cages or something

Aaron: Well, we'd been getting along so well, I didn't wanna complicate things

Erin: Complicate things by expressing your opinion? Your opinion about doing something that you can't stand just because we had been getting along? What the fuck, man? Just fucking say something.... ya know?

Aaron: Yo, why are you pissed? I was just trying to be nice

Erin: Ugh yeah, I know... it's just, don't you think honesty could be refreshing and a nice way to avoid a lot bullshit that ends up coming between people?

Aaron: Oh. I mean, I get it. I just, I mean, it' nice to just, be nice too

Erin: But where do we draw the line between doing shit to be nice and compromising what it is that you want?

Aaron: I mean, I draw the line when I do something that is against my fiber for the other person, against my like, moral compass or beliefs or whatever... not go somewhere that I find mildly boring that another person will genuinely enjoy.

Erin: huh...

Aaron: Listen, I think you got some stuff, like relationship boundaries and understandings you gotta work on... I, I don't think that this is probably what you're looking for, um, you and me... ya know? I never wanna hurt anyone's feelings but, it's kinda looking like you got some issues to deal with so... I, uh, think i'll just go

pause

Erin: … I'm really good at this

I Wish I Were A Bendy Straw

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