Play 15

fade to black

Lights fade up to the middle of a fight

Her: well no of course I don't understand

Him: what the fuck do you mean you don't understand

Her: I mean, I don't fucking get it

Him: and this is the fucking problem to begin with

Her: what?! That you say insane things and i'm not supposed to say I don't understand

Him: Insane things? Huh? Fuck off man whatever

Her: fuck off man

Him: yeah, fuck off man

Her: i'm not looking for a fucking thesis asshole, i'm looking for a quick little rundown on what the fuck you could possibly mean, cuz I don't understand

Him: if you don't understand, then you probably can't understand

Her: oh perfect, perfect fucking reasoning

Him: i'm just saying it's pretty hard to constantly be talking to someone who has to have things explained to them

Her: CONSTANTLY? When was the last fucking time you explained dick to me? I don't know who died and made you Mensa President, and um I don't know if you've had time to notice between your IQ tests and Nobel Prizes or whatever... but i'm pretty fucking smart. And I understand most things and just because you're a self centered fucking dickhead does not make me someone who “constantly” needs things explained to her

Him: See, this is the fucking problem.

Her: WHAT! WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?

Him: We can't do anything without you freaking out

Her: No, you can't treat my like a belittling jerk and expect me to not freak out. Guess what... I'm a thinking, functioning adult with feeling and ideas and experiences that make me FUCKING DIFFERENT from you... not dumber, not more naïve, not incorrect, just fucking different okay

Him: See and I don't know why you always have to do this either

Her: do. What.

Him: make it into this big philosophical ordeal, a big lecture or sermon about the differences between humans and how if we could just accept differences instead of trying to change people blah blah i've heard it a million times before and all I'm trying to do is express one pretty inconsequential opinion about how things should go and you fly off-

Her: About how things should go. Is that what you were getting at

Him: I thought it was fucking clear

Her: I'm pretty sure I made it pretty fucking clear that nothing was fucking clear

Him: Your circles that you run are draining

Her: I thought you'd been training

Him: Why should I have to? Why do I have to train to spend time with someone? Don't you realize at some point... people are going to be sick of that exhaustion? Tired of have to fucking condition in order to have a conversation because you can't let it go? You take it and spit it and spit it and convolute things so much that eventually you think you heard something insane that doesn't make any sense when you really just heard something real or raw or just mundane and you send yourself into attack mode which is fucking siamese twins with defensive mode and you become, well, intolerable

Her: see and I can't see why you do this

Him: do what

Her: take me just wanting some sort of explanation or clarification and prodding and poking until I snap...by calling me stupid, by insulting my thought process, by whatever other condescending things you do and make me feel like, and frankly call me, an intolerable person when all I want is a little more enrichment so that I can safely be on the same page

Him: well, so, what do you want then?

Her: I want to know what the fuck you're talking about

Him: I just don't even remember

Her: Fuck off. If you can't even remember then....

fade to black

Play 14

The Staring Contest

A staring contest

I didn't remember I couldn't remember my eyes are burning they're burning

I couldn't forget I'll never forget my ears are ringing they're ringing

thank god you're here

no no no thank god you're here

cuz it sure seems swirled

and faded

i'm dizzy

i'm faded

i'm confused

i'm sad

i'm sad

i'm sad

why are we so sad

why are my eyes on fire

why did I come here

why did I leave there

whyarewe

whyarewe

best friends

um what

whyarewebestfriends

BLINK

they blink, staring contest resumes

we gotta stop the questions

be gotta stop the contest

ya know when it gets out of hand

and it will

it will

get out of hand

no doubt

how annoying

so fucking annoying

we're annoying

yuck

I hate it

we are fucking so fucking annoying

I can't stand us

shut up us

WE'RE SO ANNOYING

SHUT UP US

FUCKKKK

I'M SO GODDAMN ANNOYED

FUCK ME TOO

BLINK

they blink, staring contest resumes

pretty

pretty eyes

your eyes are pretty

your eyes are pretty

underrated i'd say

like usual

fucking underrated

no doubt

for sure

cuz like we look good

like way better than them

way better than last year

way better

i'm fucking gorgeous

I also am fucking gorgeous

i've never seen anyone so gorgeous in my entire life than in the mirror I own

I can barely tolerate my own beauty

when I see my face my eyes my skin my body I start weeping cuz i'm so gorgeous

i'm about to weep

I am weeping

weeping

BLINK

they blink, staring contest resumes

I hate when we think it matters

yeah why do we think that

think what

think it matters

it so doesn't matter

like not at all

i'm hungry

i'm thirsty

let's ugh nah let's sit

let's what

just sit

I don't even wanna think about sitting

yeah sitting does sound hard

just fuck it all

yeah

who fucking cares

I fucking don't

I don't care

I just don't

should we think about ho-

we shouldn't think about anything

yeah no more thinking

who cares

who cares

who cares

who cares

I don't even care what we stopped caring about

I don't even care that we stopped caring about whatever we stopped caring about

I don't even care what you are fucking saying

I don't care if you're gone forever

I don't care

I don't care

I don't care

I don't care

BLINK

they blink, staring contest resumes

why is everyone so disappointing

so disappointing

and boring

and lame

and stupid

and disgusting

I hate it all

hate it all

hate

hate

fuck it all

let's fuck it all

let's end it all

let's end it all

end

end

end

end

fuck it

fuck it

I hate him and her and her and him

and I hate her and him and him and her

I hate them

hate hate hate

let's end it

end them

end it

end us

end them

end it

end us

let's let's let's

BLINK

they blink, keep blinking

pretty sure I won

bitch no way

Play 13

just cutting

The girls sit cutting white paper with scissors, just cutting

G1: once I fell in love I did I fell in love and I introduced him to people like my friends and like my family like my grandpa met him we were in love

G2: once I broke my nose I got hit in the face right square in the face with a softball I didn't even see it there was a lot of sun in my eyes but I got black eyes and a big swollen face and my nose was fucking broken

G3: once I did a science project it was so informative I won an award for the essay I wrote about it because I learned so much about physics and biology and chemistry because it was science

G4: once I was in this play that I got to help direct and write and act in all at the same time I was so involved in the creative process that I was forever altered I understood very deeply the way theatre really worked and I knew then that I could declare myself a real thespian cuz I was in a play

a slight overlap begins in the stories

G1: once he came over with a dozen roses that's twelve gorgeous plump roses and I didn't even mind the cliché because they were pretty they smelled nice and they fit in this perfect vase that I had been given for confirmation in eighth grade and when I stared at them I realized that money was spent so that I could feel like I was a lady a real woman who had a real man who bought her plants

G2: it's the only bone i've ever broken and it's funny cuz my only brother has only broken one bone ever he was in a car accident where a drunk driver came across the center line and hit him and Charlie Thompsen head on and he broke his collar bone and it happened a week before I got hit in the face and so everyone was always asking me about the car accident like what happened and what was going to happen to the drunk man and I would just tell them no i'm sorry I got hit in the face with a ball

G3: I tested the strengths of different toilet paper I was in sixth grade I bought like four brands of toilet paper and I made a contraption to hold out the toilet paper and I sprayed each sheet with an equal amount of water that I regulated with a spray bottle that I bought from the dollar store and then I placed metal screws on the top of the toilet paper until it ripped I studied the plies and I studied the patterns and I studied the advertisements in comparison to the results

G4: it was a circus themed play and there were circus acts and then throughout the circus acts there were fairy tales that just existed and sort of propelled the story but really just were little folk tales and all the other stories would exist and then be done but my story got to weave throughout the whole show so I was kinda like the lead even though it would be hard to say who the lead was but the show was so funny and strange and we did improv to develop the rest of it beyond the stories that were already chosen for us to do

much more noticeable overlap, like all talking at once

G1: we dated for quite a while and it wasn't even a convenience thing it was a love thing it was a thing that we said on occasion not like a pressure thing or an obligation thing because it was elementary and kinda pure but also kinda fucked up because when we got back to school after the summer even though we had seen each other all summer there were like three weeks at the end where we didn't see each other and apparently in that time he had come to some conclusion that we shouldn't date even though we loved each other and we didn't fight and we made each other happy and the rest because he had decided that he didn't want to marry me in like you know the five years after from right then when he apparently envisioned himself being married but you know we were like twenty-one and it always seemed so odd that it became about some sort of future as opposed to a now and a....

G2: and my family is kinda like a tough it out kind of family I got hurt on saturday and on monday I had a physical anyway to get checked for sports but on Monday morning before my appointment I also had basketball conditioning so I went to conditioning and ran multiple miles and jumped up bleacher seats and did wind sprints and the whole deal and when I was done my eyes were so swollen that I had to literally push my eyelids open to get my contacts out and then I went to the doctor and they well they told me to stop ya know running and stuff and then I went to show choir camp and I really did all sorts of stuff and just had these two black eyes... and the sun was in my eyes so much that I didn't even see the ball when it hit me in the face, and I just kinda turned around and put my hand to my face and just saw blood come gushing out all over and they made me lay down and to just see people's reactions to see my face...

G3: and when I went to science challenge which was this like three county wide competition that you could get invited to if your project was one of the best at your school and I was one of the few sixth graders who got invited anyway and then when I was there I won the Elsie Larson Award out of everyone which was an award for your essay... and I had to do a full interview and presentation to judges and talk about my methods and my ideas and all that kind of stuff which was kind of intense for a sixth grader to be put through but I definitely got a first place ribbon and then I was invited back when I was in seventh grade for my project about the probability of a royal flush and then again in eighth grade for my project where I made candles and studied some hardcore chemistry stuff and I got to...

G4: And like when we started the show all that existed was the fairy tales as like fairy tales but all of them just existed as books so the older members I was only in eighth grade but was still a more advanced member of the Oceana Summer Youth Theatre got to adapt the stories and then direct the stories and then the rest like all of the circus acts that became all the other stuff in between were like from improv activities where like we had to bring in a character and would go in front of everyone and everyone would just ask you questions about your life as a circus person and from that our director who went to Juliard for directing by the way and she like started this summer theatre program and we did Shakespeare for a bunch of years but then this one year we decided to do something experimental and it really pushed us to stretch what we thought about...

G1: Keep cutting

G2: Keep cutting

G3: Keep cutting

G4: Keep cutting

they keep cutting

Play 12

SWATCH

Prock and Ralph stand frozen, E-V mechanically works through

E-V:Onto clicking

on through tocking

into a key that's continuously locking

sitting tall-watch it fall-through an all-out painful brawl

to that which fades

cuz it's on repeat

and it's losing shade

and in need of retreat

apologies sent up, drones sent down

the reminding reminder all around town

so hear it again, hear it around

and feel it fade, drip, sink in the ground

Prock and Ralph mechanically loosen, E-V freezes

Prock: we are dutifully obliged

Ralph: dutifully

Prock: yes indeed

Ralph: obliged

Prock: yes indeed. to send it up

Ralph: up

Prock: up. to bring it up

Ralph: up

Prock: up. to raise it up

Ralph: up.

Prock: yes. up.

Ralph: This is comprehensible

Prock: certainly

Ralph: undeniably

Prock: and frankly, the obligation runs deep, set roots, makes sense

Ralph: dutifully obliged

Prock: but the repetition

Ralph: the repetition

Prock: yes, the repetition is... trouble some, without a doubt

Ralph: doubt is readily available

Prock: certainly. And with the obligation at the threshold, on the cusp, needing strength and comfort and obligatory

Ralph: obligatory duty

Prock: yes indeed, well, we must brainstorm

Ralph: must what?

Prock: brainstorm

Ralph: what?

Prock: brainstorm

Ralph: pardon

Prock: yes?

Ralph: shortness has been reached

Prock: precisely

Ralph: concern has mounted worry has ridden confusion

Prock: precisely

Ralph: …. prompts are needed

Prock: the twelve of them, the repetition, the twelve

Ralph: repetition. Twelve.

Prock: and, and, and

they freeze

E-V:Onto clicking

on through tocking

into a key that's continuously locking

sitting tall-watch it fall-through an all-out painful brawl

to that which fades

cuz it's on repeat

and it's losing shade

and in need of retreat

apologies sent up, drones sent down

the reminding reminder all around town

so hear it again, hear it around

and feel it fade, drip, sink in the ground

Prock: we are dutifully obliged

Ralph: dutifully

Prock: yes indeed

Ralph: obliged

Prock: Break. The break must come

Ralph: obligatory break?

Prock: No. No longer with obligation. Issue is taken with this obligation.

Ralph: issue is readily available

Prock: yes indeed. So explain, the why, these whys, these clicks

Ralph: entrapment? Entrapment? Entrapment?

Prock: speaking free

Ralph: free

Prock: free

Ralph: free

Prock: so the why, these whys, these clicks.... create force

Ralph: force

Prock: obligation

Ralph: obligation

Prock: repetition

Ralph: repetition

Prock: it has not hurt before

Ralph: not what?

Prock: hurt

Ralph: what?

Prock: hurt

Ralph: pardon

Prock: yes?

Ralph: shortness has been reached

Prock: precisely

Ralph: and thus?

Prock: thus is new

Ralph: thus

Prock: thus a new beginning

Ralph: beginning

Prock: yes indeed

Ralph: obligatory duty

Prock: not exactly

Ralph: precisely?

Prock: not precisely

Ralph: pardon?

Prock: it's, it's, it's

they freeze

E-V:Onto clicking

on through tocking

into a key that's continuously locking

sitting tall-watch it fall-through an all-out painful brawl

to that which fades

cuz it's on repeat

and it's losing shade

and in need of retreat

apologies sent up, drones sent down

the reminding reminder all around town

so hear it again, hear it around

and feel it fade, drip, sink in the ground

Prock: we are dutifully obliged

Ralph: dutifully

Prock: yes indeed

Ralph: obliged

Prock: yes indeed. to send it up

Ralph: up

Prock: up. to bring it up

Ralph: up

Prock: up. to raise it up

Ralph: up.

Prock: yes. up.

Ralph: This is comprehensible

Prock: And end all

Ralph: end

Prock: all

Ralph: all

Prock: end

Ralph: through whys

Prock: through through through

they freeze

E-V:Onto clicking

on through tocking

into a key that's continuously locking

sitting tall-watch it fall-through an all-out painful brawl

to that which fades

cuz it's on repeat

and it's losing shade

and in need of retreat

apologies sent up, drones sent down

the reminding reminder all around town

so hear it again, hear it around

and feel it fade, drip, sink in the ground

Prock: we are dutifully obliged

Ralph: dutifully

Prock: yes indeed

Ralph: obliged

Prock: we, we, we

they freeze

E-V:Onto clicking

on through tocking

into a key that's continuously locking

sitting tall-watch it fall-through an all-out painful brawl

to that which fades

cuz it's on repeat

and it's losing shade

and in need of retreat

apologies sent up, drones sent down

the reminding reminder all around town

so hear it again, hear it around

and feel it fade, drip, sink in the ground

Prock and Ralph just stare at each other

Play 11

Julien Gets Acting Lessons at the Bar

Brigette and Julien sit at a crowded loud bar

Brigette: Remind me your name

Julien: Julien

Brigette: yes yes yes, Julien... and that guy, he's Julien too, right?

Julien: Right

Brigette: And you guys are from Michigan, right

Julien: Yeah yeah!

Brigette: Haha that's awesome, well it's awesome to see you guys

Julien: Yeah for sure

Brigette: dude, last time I met you, you were doing some music video, right?

Julien: Oh yeah yeah, we did the whole thing, a whole video and stuff

Brigette: I remember talking to you about acting, I mean how was it, how did it go? How'd you feel about it?

Julien: Well acting is kinda crazy

Brigette: No shit man, acting is insane

Julien: And it was hard trying to figure out if I was doing something as a character in the video or being myself or what

Brigette: Oh for sure, that's actually a super hard thing to figure out, like a weird balance to comprehend

Julien: Totally

Brigette: I was once in this show actually, where I wanted to play this character how I had figured out this character to be... and like it was great, it was funny, I thought I was doing a really good job, and my director-who understands comedy better than just about any one I've ever encountered- stops me after rehearsal one day and says... Brigette, you have to stop acting

Julien: Haha what, are you serious?

Brigette: And I was like what do you mean? And he said, what you're doing.... yeah, I get it, it's funny, okay... but when you're just sitting in my office bitching about something, you're so much more funny. So just stop acting. Be yourself. And it was super hard for me because I felt like I had no character. So a friend of mine who was the assistant director gave me this brilliant piece of advice, because I thought I was just on stage doing nothing, not acting... she told me to give myself a physical tick... something that noone would ever notice, but by doing it, I felt transported into the character. And I could do everything the way I had been doing it, but by having this tick, I felt like I wasn't just myself, but my character

Julien: Man, that's nuts

Brigette: For sure, but that's the stuff you gotta do as an actor because you just get in your head all the time and it's just over and ove-

Julien: Do a scene

Brigette: What

Julien: Do a scene

Brigette: Oh, I, don't what...

Julien: You show up home and your husband bought a brand new red ferrari

Beat

Brigette: What, what, um, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?!? Why is that here? That's not..we can't afford that! What the fuck is that? It's kinda beautiful tho.. I was just thinking the other day about what it would mean to have a red sports car but... that's not, honey! HONEY! What the fuck is that? That's a ferrari, isn't it? That's, how could, you uh,

Julien: Ya know honey, sometimes ya just gotta take care of business

Brigette: What?

Julien: I just do what I do... I thought you'd like it

Brigette: Well I do like it, it's gorgeous, I just don't see how you went about just making that decision... I'm not even mad, not mad at all actually... I just want, I just don't know

Julien: Ya know, sometimes I'm gonna be taking care of you

Brigette: Why do you spoil me

Julien: Why not baby

Brigette: I can't believe that's ours!

Beat

Brigette: And that's a scene...

Julien: that was fun!

Brigette: Yeah, I know

Play 10

Hunk-O-Mania

Maureen, Brigette, Mack sit in general admission chairs at a strip club

Maureen: Yeah, I do not want to do that

Brigette: uh, no, he's like... really up on her

Mack: Wait so I don't understand, if you go with them

Brigette: You pay them. They take you to that corner.

Mack: And what? You have to pay them?

Maureen: Yeah I guess. Oh guys, look at my boyfriend

Brigette: Not your boyfriend

Maureen: I love him

Brigette: He is dry humping three girls five feet in front of him

Maureen: He's perfect

Stripper approaches

Mack: Ummm, it's her birthday, yeah her

Maureen: Yeaaaah, it's my birthday

Stripper: well how about you come with me

Maureen: Ummm, I dunno, I

Stripper: well, here, let me show you something (takes her hand along his six pack)

Maureen: (giggles) umm

Brigette: (laughs)

Stripper: what? (whispers real close) how about you come with... and bring a camera

Brigette: Uh, I don't know, right now... maybe later

Stripper: You'll get your camera later?

Brigette: Uh, yup, yeah

Stripper: Alright honeys, alright

Brigette: I can't fucking handle this

Maureen: I'm having a great time!

Brigette: oh, I'm having a great time

Maureen: HOLY SHIT, did you see what he just did to her? That was awesome holy shit... I haven't been fucked like that in a loooonngg time, maybe never

Mack: I'm just saying, i'm so happy it's your birthday

Brigette: Cuz you just keep dumping off the attention, right?

Mack: Yes. Exactly.

Brigette: It's really too much

Another Stripper approaches

Stripper: the shy one

Brigette: I don't know why you keep saying that man

Stripper: cuz last time I was over here you didn't say a word, and you haven't said a word all night.. you're the shy one

Brigette: I think you're literally the first person in the world to call me that

Stripper: oh, really, well come on, how about we, head over... what's so funny

Brigette: Oh, I just can't stop laughing... this whole thing is funny, it's fucking hilarious

Stripper: um, you're at a strip club, not a fucking comedy show... it's not hilarious

Brigette: Oh, but it is

Stripper: Are you gonna come with me over

Brigette: Over to that creepy lap dance corner full of folding chairs? Uh, no I don't think so

Stripper: Whatever

Shots stripper approaches

Stripper: Anyone want shots

Mack: YES

Brigette: haha of course you do

Mack: Uh, yeah, hello. Two shots, one for me and one for the birthday girl (hands him a 20)

Stripper: (Sees 20) Oh, a birthday girl, huh? (takes Maureen's hand, takes her to the corner)

Mack: Um, is he gonna bring me change?

Brigette: What?

Mack: I gave him a 20 for those shots

Brigette: uh, I'm pretty sure you bought that lap dance

Mack: What? I want change!

Brigette: I think that 20 paid for Maureen's current lap dance

Mack: Fuck

Maureen: Man, that guy was not good at his job

Brigette: Mack bought that when she was trying to buy shots

Maureen: haha well it was a waste

Brigette: There's your boyfriend

Maureen: where

Brigette: On stage

Maureen: He's beautiful

Brigette: He was cool, though

Maureen: I know!

Brigette: like when he was over here earlier, I totally forgot he was a stripper at all... I thought we were just talking to some cool hot guy

Maureen: That's what I'm saying

Mack: Um, you can not love a stripper

Maureen: And why not?

Mack: Oh god

Brigette: I mean, I'm not gonna say this is like a huge shock to me

Maureen: He's so hot

Maureen's boyfriend approaches, swiftly convinces her to go with him, Mack and Brigette just watch the stage for a while, Maureen returns, pays her boyfriend

Maureen: Now he was good at his job.

Brigette: Oh good

Maureen: I got his number

Mack: Of-fucking-course you did. You can not date a stripper

Maureen: He was like, yeah we have great chemistry, and we live like ten blocks apart... I'm gonna call him

Brigette: You should date a stripper

Maureen: I would

Brigette: Your love knows no boundaries

Maureen: Why would it?

The three sit and watch the show

Play 9

on a stage

On a stage

Actor: So you're saying a movie and a play, that are the same, come out at the same time?

Actor: No, they're not the same... they coordinate. It's collaboration.

Actor: Collaboration?

Actor: Dude, collaboration. Collaboration absolutely has to be the next step.

Actor: Okay, I can dig

Actor: So i'm saying we make a play about something, and a movie about something but they coordinate and propel each other and by understanding one, you can understand the other...

Actor: I gotcha

Actor: And I want there to be all sorts of segments... like OH MAN, you know what we should do is make a variety show!

Actor: Actually, yeah that's a pretty good idea, we could

Actor: Oh fuck

Actor: what

Actor: we're doing this thing

Actor: the variety show?

Actor: Oh god no, this play

Actor: what play

Actor: the play we are doing right now

Actor: um

Actor: it's one of those plays that shows the creative process

Actor: so

Actor: ugh they're just so masturbatory, it's like anyone except your close friends who can see how they're involved fucking care about the “process” of writing and creating something... it's like just create something... how did I end up doing this play about what I'm gonna create, ugh fucking annoying

Actor: but wait wait wait, now that we're talking about it... right? (to audience) can we all address that we're talking about this being a play, when before we were just talking about your ideas for stuff, but now we're addressing that we're doing a play about making art later, correct?

Actor: Yes

Actor: so now that we're talking about it, it has become meta, right?

Actor: Oh god meta

Actor: what's your problem with meta?

Actor: Meta is just about as masturbatory as process theatre

Actor: dude, you know anything about Brecht?

Actor: Not really

Actor: well then you probably shouldn't talk shit about meta theatre

Actor: I'm not talking shit, I'm just...

Actor: wait wait wait... okay, think about this... we just started arguing and conversing like real life, right?

Actor: Well, Brecht isn't really “real life”

Actor: Not about Brecht, moron, I'm saying... I just talked to the audience, breaking the fourth wall, after you quit our performance to whine that it was a play about writing a play, thus making it meta, as we recognize it as theatre... but now if we keep arguing about germans or jacking off or whatever... that's back to conversation, back to the “real life” that theatre is attempting to depict, right? So then it transitions out of meta, and becomes just us arguing and having a conversation... but because there are people sitting in chairs in front of us, quietly watching us do this... then it's “realism”, right? But now I'm addressing it, so blah blah, on and on it goes,

Actor: Ad infinitum

Actor: how theatrical

Actor: 'Preciate it

Actor: I mean, but what's the end all... we either care that people are watching us and assess everything we do based on that, and then we either accept and invite the fact that we know that they are there watching us or we pretend that we don't know there, but everything we do is for them... for a rise, or a laugh or recognition at the end of the day. Or else we completely disregard the audience at all, like who cares if they have fun, or who cares if they learn or ever comprehend what's going on... it's like for us, and if they happen to be there, well lucky for them even if they end up getting absolutely nothing out of it.

Actor: It's dangerous

Actor: It is dangerous! It's just like, why are all these people watching me? And this is what I chose. What I opted to pursue. But sometimes caring either way just seems... terrible. Like I don't care that they're there but to not care makes me think this isn't work I should bother with

Actor: I get you, man. Theatre's kinda overwhelming

Actor: It's really overwhelming

Actor: Should we have a dance party?

Actor: Uh, yeah, probably

Actor: Awesome. Hit it man!

Music comes on. Actors, audience, everyone dances

Actor: Hey, who's having fun? Alright then.

Play 8

no not at all

Three guys around a campfire

I can't seem to recall

recall it all

recall at all

can't remember the colors

the colors that were bright before

bright before

right before

it all seemed

all seemed

seemed

right

turns taken too fast

turns taken in turn

in turn, in lines

in lines we stood

I stood

stood tall

taller than I was last year at this time

this time

maybe this time

time time time

I checked my watch

recalling I couldn't recall

and confused once again

the line was longer

last time

the line was longer last time

I was shorter last time

could not recall

not recall at all

I saw her there

she was not tall at all

and that was okay

we had danced once

I could not recall

we danced once again

that made twice

we looked really nice next to each other

she made no effort

she made no effort

I made effort

real effort

I recall my effort

real effort

she was smiling then

she was smiling now

but only in theory

she was aware

she had to be aware

she was working her ass off to not seem aware

she blinked

she blinks

I bet it was on purpose

oh i'm sure it was

she was sediments settling

meddling

forgetting the befores and the afters

she wasn't all that pretty

she never was that interesting either

not that I can recall

can't recall at all

I doubt she'd really remember those dances anyway

because I barely can

I mean, can't

can't recall

can't recall at all

Play 7

Fresh Breath

(gargling sound)

(back and forth)

YOU'RE SUFFOCATING ME

NO I'M NOT

FUCK OFF YES YOU ARE

I JUST CAN'T SEE WHY

CAN'T WHAT

CAN'T SEE WHY

WHY WHAT

I DIDN'T FINISH

WHAT

DIDN'T WHAT

FINISH

WHAT

I'M. WASN'T DONE. DONE.

OKAY THEN.

DON'T ACT LIKE YOU'RE CORRECT ABOUT SOMETHING

I AM CORRECT ALWAYS CORRECT

YOU'RE A TOOL. A PUPPET.

YOU'RE A FRAGMENT. A SECTION.

OF STRENGTH

OF MALICE

DISTRUST AND DETACH

I'M THE CONNECTED THE CONNECTED

I'M THE SAVING GRACE THE FRESH

YOU DIDN'T CARE I WASN'T DONE

I DECIDE WHEN YOU'RE DONE

I DECIDE WHEN I'M DONE

NOT EVEN. WHO'S THE TOOL NOW? THE PUPPET?

I DO NOT NEED YOU I DO NOT NEED YOU I DO NOT NEED YOU

BUT SOMEONE WILL, AND WHY NOT YOU

AND WHY NOT ME

OHHHHHOOOO

I, WE, WE ALL GIVE IN

DO NOT SUCCOMB

ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANTED

YOUR STENGTH IS MORE REAL THAN YOU KNOW

(spit sound)

Play 6

bigger than you'd think

Eliot: I saw a shooting star

Brandon: you did?

Eliot: Yup

Brandon: and?

Eliot: I made a wish

Brandon: and?

Eliot: It hurt

Brandon: what hurt?

Eliot: Making the wish?

Brandon: Why?

Eliot: I started shaking

Brandon: shaking?

Eliot: Yeah

Brandon: why?

Eliot: I was scared

Brandon: of your wish?

Eliot: That I made it, that I wanted to make it

Brandon: what was it

Eliot: well, if I tell you it won't come true

Brandon: are you serious

Eliot: okay, fine

Brandon: well you don't have to tell me, a wish is just a secret, so if you feel like telling me a secret, have at it... i'm not gonna make you

Eliot: I don't want to talk specifics

Brandon: okay

Eliot: it's not that I don't trust you, it's just... I'm, I'm

Brandon: you don't have to explain yourself

Eliot: but I do, don't I

Brandon: never

Eliot: I never wish for the specifics

Brandon: okay...

Eliot: I wanted, I wished, I... (phone buzzes) god don't you fucking hate it when you just get a voicemail and your phone doesn't ring? I fuckin hate that (listens to voicemail) oh my god! I got the job!

Brandon: Dream job?

Eliot: Not exactly... more like, better shitty job

Brandon: better is better

Eliot: in theory

Brandon: you pessimist

Eliot: what! No, stop! Dude, i've been owning mindset lately. Like, making mindset my bitch. I just start cycling sometimes, ya know. I get going and can't stop.

Brandon: I know

Eliot: Sorta

Brandon: What is that supposed to mean

Eliot: Have you ever been around someone for like, 6 weeks or something on and off...and all of a sudden you hear like three stories from them in a row and all of a sudden you're like holy shit, I don't know this person at all...

Brandon: I mean, I get what you're saying... it doesn't happen all that often

Eliot: People are always saying that shit to me.

Brandon: Well, you don't see it but,

Eliot: what

Brandon: well, if you're someone with a layered and semi private personality, everyone assumes they know everything about you.

Eliot: Fuck, that's so true. I think I get so consumed in my layers that I forget there are lots of people without layers

Brandon: and if you're boisterous, and outspoken, people assume that they've heard everything... because they've heard a slice, a segment, just a faction of what you might have to say

Eliot: it's like simultaneously wrong to assume and to not assume, ya know

Brandon: of course, well, we gotta assess, ya know? That's why I hate the expression “don't judge me” so fucking much

Eliot: UGH! Me too! It's like bitch if I don't judge you, how am I going to walk away from this interaction with anything

Brandon: There's a difference between judging and being judgmental

Eliot: that's what I always say!

Brandon: Whores are the only people worried about judging anyway

Eliot: haha, well, not exactly. Everyone's worried. Everyone's so goddamn worried about everything.

Brandon: What are you worried about?

Eliot: Disappointing.

Brandon: You don't think everyone's proud of you?

Eliot: Disappointing myself. Getting so caught in trying to make it all work in my brain and never finding the way to make it work in reality. Running out of time. My friends dying. My friends settling. My family never figuring out a way to be okay. Student debt. How I can possibly combat everything. How I can follow the rules and break the rules at the same time. How i'm going to function independently forever.

How to do this how to do that how to make it fucking okay with myself every moment

Brandon: Are you okay with yourself?

Eliot: Fuck yes.

Brandon: Okay then.

Eliot: But okay in isolation

Brandon: explain

Eliot: I find a peace, a placement in comprehending independence

Brandon: what's wrong with that

Eliot: I cycle

Brandon: what do you mean?

Eliot: Independence is kinda scary.... it's like, in finding a way to be okay, I cycle over and over and catch myself in this circle of justification and answers that, of course, ultimately are of extreme importance. But like, it's just me... it's just my brain over and over and over again

Brandon: Act like you don't have friends....

Eliot: It's not that, I know I have so many amazing people that I'm able to bounce ideas off, like I get that... but I guess, I can't help but resort to the ultimate born alone, die alone argument

Brandon: you want something else

Eliot: I at least need to experience something else

Brandon: do you mean, what like a relationship?

Eliot: I mean, it's all relationships... I don't need a boyfriend, that's not really what it is... it's, I just get caught in thinking about all the things i've never felt... and I get envious, I get sad and warped and then mad for feeling that way, because it's like, don't I have enough? I have enough on my plate in my brain and my emotions but it's still, like dense and thick and maybe it needs to be chipped a little

Brandon: your wall

Eliot: excuse me?

Brandon: Your wall. I know about your wall.

Eliot: My wall?

Brandon: Like this is the first time you've heard this?

Eliot: What, that I put up a wall?

Brandon: Yeah

Eliot: Okay, well... yeah, I mean, people have said that to me before

Brandon: Exactly. It's because you're so fun, and funny and energetic and impassioned about things, it's easy to miss, but for those who sit for a bit, listen really closely

Eliot: is that what you've been doing

Brandon: trying

Eliot: why?

Brandon: There's something there

Eliot: where

Brandon: in that head of yours. You have something

Eliot: … I know

Brandon: and it's right to be afraid of it, and protect it, but sometimes, you gotta shift it, push it aside a bit, try something else

Eliot: I just, I can't

Brandon: yes you can

he kisses her

Eliot: I don't know if this is

Brandon: Of course you don't

Eliot: so...

kiss again

they stare at each other

Eliot: I don't want to give you the wrong impression, it's not that i'm embarrassed, i'm just, I just take a lot of work I think and I don't want to put that pressure on anyone or for you to think i'm putting pressure on you

Brandon: I don't...

Eliot: It's just, I don't need answers and I don't need traditions and I don't need fancy anything and I don't want to do what i'm supposed to but I don't want you to think that i'm not thinking about things and that i'm ignoring things or that i'm taking things more seriously than I should because we just made out a little on my roof because I don't I don't have expectations and I'm sorry i'm freaking out i'm just sick of accidentally kissing someone and then overthinking it to the point that I look insane like i'm obsessed or something but i'm not i'm just obsessed with interaction so I can't stop myself and I don't even know why i'm saying this all out loud i'm really sorry I ruin every moment ever and i'm not trying to...

Brandon: listen. You didn't accidentally kiss anything

Eliot: I know

Brandon: can you calm down?

Eliot: Probably not

Brandon: that's okay then

Eliot: what

Brandon: keep freaking out

Eliot: no i'll stop, I should probably stop, i'll stop... why are you laughing

Brandon: you're fucking gorgeous

Eliot: oh don't do that

Brandon: you have no idea

Eliot: come on don't do this, please don't let me be a psycho and then flatter me, please

Brandon: okay

Eliot: I just.... I don't want you to be disappointed

Brandon: Thought you were only worried about disappointing yourself?

Eliot: Have I not made it clear how hyperaware I am of all things social? Nothing is more intimidating socially that a fucking intimate relationship. That's why I can't cope, I can't deal, I can't fucking do this to you if you think i'm some sort of gorgeous energy ball that will be some sort of good companion to rest your head on cuz i'm too wrecked for that right now I just want to....

Brandon: fucking stop this, okay.

Eliot: No, I'm sorry, I knew I was freaking you out, I knew that I should probably just..

Brandon: STOP. Can I tell you what disappoints me?

Eliot: Um, sure, yeah

Brandon: Your misunderstandings

Eliot: My what

Brandon: How intensely you misunderstand

Eliot: Misunderstand what

Brandon: Me, Eliot. You're so fucking used to justifying everything and consuming yourself in your own awareness that you can't even realize someone who is just mystified by you, someone who is just so drawn to you that they wouldn't want to get a word in edgewise because you don't stop, and you don't stop amazing, until you get into this spiral of

Eliot: I know, I'm sorry, I don't mean to justify over and over it's just i'm so caught

Brandon: I KNOW! Just shut up for a few minutes okay. Your ideas and your spiraling are so inspiring until, until you get scared. And as soon as you're scared, you're intolerable. You cannot accept anything from the outside when you get to that point. And sometimes, you need help Eliot. You fucking need it. Ya know, it's so frustrating to have conversations with you because you know everything I try to tell you.... you maybe haven't thought of it in those exact terms, but you understand it all and it's just infuriating. I want to give you an explanation, but you never need it. And I can see my ideas landing on you and I can see how you start to work and click and turn and turn and turn but it makes me feel awful that I can't just let you know that I admire you. I don't know anything about relationships and I don't know if I need to but if you'd just stop for three seconds you can see that you don't have to keep justifying everything. You don't have to make it all into a multiple choice test where you pick what answer is most correct. It's okay. Breathe, okay. Are you crying?

Eliot: Of course

Brandon: oh fuck I'm sorry, I did not mean to make you cry, I just...

Eliot: no no no. I want to cry.

Brandon: Okay. Just, well, just listen, I think we should just, do this. Just, ya know, have it. And see what it means to have it. And you can enjoy your new job, your better, and take another step, add one more layer to that fucking paper mache creation you've been making... and just I don't know, what do you think?

Eliot: yeah

Brandon: yeah?

Eliot: Yeah.

they kiss

they sit

they stare

Lauren runs on the roof

Lauren: Eliot! Fuck, there you are. Oh, um, sorry to interrupt guys, but, um, Eliot listen. Um, Martin Samuels got in a car accident this afternoon and um, um, he didn't make

Eliot: ….. what

Lauren: I'm so sorry, I just, I, you needed to know as soon as possible, I'm sorry, I...

Lauren exits

Eliot: I, I,

Brandon: I'm so sorry, El....

Eliot: another shooting star

Brandon: what? Well make a wish

Eliot: last time I wished for change

Brandon: well

Eliot: wishing is scary

She cries

they sit together

she cries and cries 

Play 5

in rows, it rose

4 actors-

2 speaking (with much poetry)

2 doing viewpoints

Viewpoints objectives: jump together, 3 repeated vignettes, laugh

Female Poet: why the ugly, she screamed

Male Poet: frenzy collateral corrupted softly yet surely... he coaxed and coaxed and coaxed

FP: she sat unafraid, she sat with distinction

MP: he knew she'd earned it

FP: SHOT DOWN

MP: SPIKED

FP: booby trapped

MP: cornered

FP: spatially contextual

MP: free from freedom

FP: SHOT DOWN

MP: SPIKED

FP: she spliced

MP: he cried he cried he cried

FP: slam dunk, mmmmmk

MP: clarity, uh huuuuuh

FP: spotted explanations

MP: lovin it lovin it lovin it

FP: wrangled as delusion as connection turned sideways turned and altered and altered again shame dripping with denial, sleep trickling slowly towards escapable

MP: keys turn, clicks click

FP: she listened and he

MP: just cried

FP: stabbed with delusion

MP: a festering infection of misunderstandings

FP: another time

MP/FP: he/she said

MP: another time

FP/MP: she/he said

FP: it's been a while

MP: track has been kept

FP: why the ugly she screamed

MP: on a better answer sat his ego long altered

FP: she just screamed

MP: he just, he just

FP: the change fell intentionally

MP: oh I bet, he said

FP: eyes were shifting

MP: long pauses danced delicately portholes opened through ongoing potential they saw each other's eyes drenched with it

FP: she'd hoped that wasn't too common

MP: he didn't know what to do about it

FP: she never knew

MP: he never knew

FP: circling

MP: cycling

FP: cylindrical

MP: simplistic

FP: she screamed for simplicity

MP: he'd stopped crying, but he just blinked 

Play 4

the hand of god

outside a bar

What do you mean?

I mean... I felt the hand of god

...where are you from?

North Idaho

woah I don't know anything about there

yeah, you're fucking right you don't

woah dude I was just admitting and being humble, settle down man

okay Idaho

no I'm saying...

well what are you doing here

well... this girl, she, well, she broke my heart... and I needed to take a vacation

okay

what do you do

um, I'm like a writer, poet, actor, singer, comedian

okay i'm an actor too. What do you do well

What do I do well? Um... words

Words?

Yeah, words, that's what I do. And from a performance perspective, it gives me an outlook and like a different approach than a lot of people

okay so let me ask you something

sure

do you believe in god?

Hmm, well that's an interesting question, but um, no I don't think so. You're religious?

No, honey, it's not about religion. I would never preach religion or anything but... listen, after you just freestyles with me, it was amazing.. I said you have a beautiful brain... and I meant it. You have a fucking brain on you.

Well, thanks, man

I'm serious. And because I see that, well I want you to know to praise god. And all these people, all these people around, love them all, just love them because it's god's will. It is god's will.

Dude, here's what I'm saying. I was with you and I was trying and am always trying to love and get rid of my hate, and dude I was raised with religion, i've thought about it okay, but tell me, tell me... why do we have to attribute it to any personified thing's “will”? What about MY will?

Because it's not belief anymore. It's real. I've felt god and i'm telling you that you'll lose faith sometimes, you'll run around screaming, you'll say WHYYY? I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU ANYMORE. Because my life.... has been PAIN. But I'm telling you... that you-

Dude. What i'm saying if if I don't think it's there, I can't LOSE or COME BACK

just trust me...

Listen, I'm happy for you... I really am, that's great, but it's still not real to me. I have to keep searching myself, and exploring myself, man... that isn't rooted in your answer and something that I will return to, because like, I'm

friends leave the bar

Oh, there you are!

Hey hey hey

oh yeah man, these are my friends, my brother

hey, hey, I have a question... do you believe in god?

Oh fuck no

...dude, where'd you get this cliché kid

what do you mean?

I mean... I felt the hand of god

Play 3

Happy Birthday, Bethany

Party scene: party debauchery

groups of friends, drinking, smoking, raucousing, the whole deal

Bethany, the birthday girl, makes her rounds, working very very hard to be the belle of the ball

Bethany is an average sized girl, actually with quite a nice figure, even if not a supermodel body

she is decorated as birthday girl and is determined for everyone to recognize her honor

she moves deliberately around, laughing too loud, behaving much drunker than she is

occasionally, she can be seen leaving a group in a tiff, the group left rather uncomfortable

this goes on for a bit

longer than a bit, like what it would really be like to watch a party as an outsider looking in

maybe 10 minutes pass, drinking games, conversation, organic... just a party

finally, dialogue can be clearly made out, as we see Bethany rising again in a tiff

Clara: WHAT, all I said was I like your dress, what is your problem

Bethany: will you just shut up you cunt

Clara: fuck off man, i'm out of here

Bethany: yeah good. Take your fake gucci and your eating disorder and just leave because noone wants you here anyway

Clara leaves, obviously

this creates a mild scene, though mostly unnoticed by the party attendees

Bethany collects herself, and mingles once more

she approaches another group... and it becomes clear she's worked up again

she backs away

clears her throat

Bethany: UM, excuse me... um, listen, can I have everyone's attention? Okay, it was cool of all of you to come tonight and all but, okay, um fucking listen... okay, if one more person in this fucking room tries to tell me I'm not fat, I will flip. I'll freak. Because obviously, I'm a fucking size twelve and obviously that's fucking fat. OKAYYY? Is that clear to everyone? I have to rifle through the racks at H&M to the back, like every time to find a cami or a miniskirt that will fit over my ginormous thighs... I clench my stomach all day, I'M CLENCHING MY STOMACH RIGHT NOW. I bought spanks. Okay, no nonfat girls buy spanks. So i'm sick of you all telling my how cute my clothes are and how good my makeup looks and how you like my new haircolor okay cuz i'm fat and that's the long and short of it. That's the deal, that's the skinny. And it's not a harsh reality motherfuckers i've been a heifer my whole life so the sooner you all say, yes you are fat when I say, oh my god i'm so fat, the happier we'll all be, alright because I'm disgusting. It's pretty obvious. So when I say, do I look fat? I ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER IS YES SO STOP LYING TO ME AND MAKING ME SO GODDAMN UNCOMFORTABLE YOU INSENSITVE ASSHOLES IT'S MY BIRTHDAY FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

Silence

Staring

Robby, an incredibly skinny boy, enters, stuffing his face with cake

Robby: Bethany, shit, this cake is off the hook. You better get some before I eat it all.

Bethany winces, gets a maniacal look in her eyes, sticks her finger down throat and throws up

Robby: Woooooahhhhhh, happy birthday Bethany!!!

Play 2

Everyone Smokes

Two twenty-something guys sit on a stoop, smoking cigarettes

1: everyone smokes

2: everyone smokes

1: everyone looks familiar

2: everyone sucks

1: everyone will look familiar tomorrow

2: I want whisky

1: everyone likes whisky

2: everyone smokes

1: I want a better memory

2: I want more money

1: everyone smokes

2: everyone thinks about money

1: everyone wants to get drunk

2: everyone remembers nothing

1: with or without whisky

2: I want an iphone

1: everyone has iphones

2: everyone texts really fast

1: I want to text really fast

2: I want whisky

1: everyone smokes

2: I want a girl friend

1: I want beef jerky

2: I want a death row records tshirt

1: I want another cigarette

2: I want another cigarette

1: I want cheaper cigarettes

2: everyone wants cheaper everything

1: I want a haircut

2: I want lasagna

1: I want beef jerky

2: I want lasagna

1: everyone stinks

2: everyone on the subway stinks

1: everyone's too hot for their own good

2: I want fall

1: I want autumn

2: I want to smoke some ganj

1: everyone is high

2: everyone sucks

1: everyone's so uninteresting

2: everyone whines all the time

1: I want everyone to shut up

2: I want everyone to shut up

1: I want whisky

2: everyone smokes

1: everyone looks familiar

2: everyone sucks

1: I want cancer

2: I want tuberculosis

1: I want lupus

2: I want chlamydia

1: I want to be blind

2: everyone's blind

1: everyone dies

2: “the very stone one kicks with one's boot will outlast shakespeare”

1: what

2: “the very stone one kicks with one's boot will outlast shakespeare”

1: what is that

2: it's from a book, it's like virginia woolf or alcott or some bitch

1: what do you know about some bitch's book

2: what

1: I said, what do you know about some bitch's book

2: it's just a good line, I thought it was applicable...

1: I don't know what you've been up to man, but it's not cool, man

2: what the fuck are you talking about

1: look, next time, just keep your shit to yourself, okay

2: dude, I don't get what the probl-

1: just shut up okay

2: what's the fucking probl-

1: EVERYONE SMOKES OKAY

2: yeah, dude, everyone smokes

Play 1

From Above

lights up on a cradled baby, cradled from the rafters, hung from above

swaddled, eyes wide, independently swinging

the “baby”:

(loud wail) waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

who teaches me about death?

I said (loud wail) waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

who teaches me about death?

Will I just.... know?

Will I... can I ….. how, how, how will I remember my left from my right and how will I remember my address and how will I remember the core democratic values and how will I remember grandma's birthday and how will I remember that I should try and ask questions noone has ever asked before? Am I supposed to remember to do that? Or just do that? Am I supposed to do that? I want to do that. How will I decide what color my hair should be when I can choose whatever color I want? and how will I know what earrings to wear in my school picture and how will I know how to plan to say no to that nice boy who is probably gay if he asks me to prom because I think that the cute troubled boy will ask me and how will I justify not going to high school dances because noone ended up wanting to take me and how will I understand confidence and how will I find any sort of understanding when i'm shut in this tiny world of tiny understandings that don't answer a fucking single one of my questions? Why did you put me here?

I said waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

why did you put me here

I said waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

how will I waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

know about death

how will you teach me what you don't know? HOW DARE YOU!?!?!

how will I

how do you

why can't I

I think

I must

just

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

downstage, lights up on an elderly couple, the “baby” swings”

Mrs: hmmmmm

Mr: yes, dear?

Mrs: what?

Mr: you said...?

Mrs: oh, just, hmmmm

Mr: well?

Mrs: well?

Mr: well, hmmm, what?

Mrs: well, honey

Mr: yes, what is it

Mrs: I was just wondering...why we got married

Mr: why we...

Mrs: why we got married

Mr: um, i'm sorry, is something wrong dear?

Mrs: not at all

Mr: I'm gonna wash those pans, I am, I just...

Mrs: Stop, what, no

Mr: oh, I, just, what's wrong, what's going on

Mrs: I, well, no, I was just wondering your answer

Mr: to why we got married?

Mrs: yes

Mr: because we loved each other

Mrs: love

Mr: of course

Mrs: remarkably

Mr: defying statistics

Mrs: remarkably

Mr: without a doubt

Mrs: but why did we ever

Mr: to have a family

Mrs: could we not have done so without?

Mr: the bond

Mrs: could we not have...

Mr: through sickness and health

Mrs: to death do us part

Mr: to death do us part

Mrs: couldn't we have just

Mr: we weren't ready to break rules

Mrs: love

Mr: just enough love to follow the rules

Mrs: and without the rules?

Mr: without the rules?

Mrs: did we need the rules? What if we had no rules? What if we were pushed into a life together without the expectations, without the boundaries, without all the what happens what shoulds that apparently become our anecdotes and our what we've dones and our fucking lives? Huh? What if we had none of that? Did we have enough love to go around? Without barriers? Without rules and without the befores and the afters, if it was just then if it was just then and now and right at this particular, were we ready? Were we invested, were we right for this choice, who is right for this choice? Was this succumbing to something? And we're going to be gone, we'll be gone, we'll be gone and somewhere or nowhere and how can I take this breath and the next breath and know that... (breaths in and out, in and out)

Mr: ...this is about her, isn't it?

Mrs: Having a granddaughter makes me sad.... having a granddaughter makes me scared

Mr: Me too

Mrs: Okay, then.

The “baby”:

I, I, I just want to know if, if, if, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah