Thirsty
Thursday
Sir-
a finance guy, attractive, charming, in the appropriate finance guy
attire, some sort of like, cornflower blue shirt or whatever, you
know, yellow tie? Not old, by any means, so that “sir” is almost
a joke or sassy choice
Honey:
a server and “artist” (if we must, but it's just the quickest),
quick witted, has a pretty hard time putting up with shit and not
saying something, cute but odd
Sir:
No, no no, come back here. I got a little something to say to you
Honey:
Um, no sir, that's okay
Sir:
No, listen, I mean, let me apologize for my behavior and I'd really
like a little time to actually explain to you...
Honey:
All due respect, sir... um, it's fine, and I'm actually kinda busy
right now with my work, so we can just move on, it's not a big deal.
Sir:
What, you don't think you should listen to what I have to say?
Honey:
Um, yeah, I don't think that's what I said... I'm pretty sure that I
just have work to do, and if I have a chance later, we can discuss
whatever it is, truly, I just have a swamped section right now, and
lots of people needing drinks and stuff, ya know, I just gotta go
Sir:
It is not that busy in here
Honey:
You don't know what my duties are
Sir:
I have an idea... I've been here before. You guys are never that
busy.
Honey:
haha, ugh fine, what is it that's so important
Sir:
Babe, what's your name
Honey:
My name's Honey.
Sir:
Honey. Excellent.
Honey:
Yeah, family name, whatever
Sir:
Well, honey, I need you to excuse what happened back there. My
friends are drunk assholes, right, you work in a bar... I'm sure you
can realize and accept a genuine apology.
Honey:
Sure. Thanks, though, yeah, I appreciate it
Sir:
And now for what I think you need explained to you
Honey:
Um, oh?
Sir:
Yeah, honey, girls like you, sometimes they need things ya know,
explained to them
Honey:
Oh, yes, sir, please go on
Sir:
Sometimes you're gonna meet assholes, and they're gonna be assholes
to you, and you're gonna stand there for a bit and think to yourself,
what's this guy's fucking problem? I mean, who does he think he is...
um, Honey, dear, are you listening to me?
Honey:
haha Not really
Sir:
I think this could be valuable information to you.
Honey:
um, haha, I think you're being a little condescending, so I'd
appreciate it if you made your point so I can continue working.
Sir:
See, this I what i'm talking about... the sharp tongue, the
don't-give-a-shit attitude, nose rings, tattoos, working in a bar...
I mean, you're just such a classic example of the “girl with daddy
issues” character that has become the attractive or endearing girl
of your generation... you're clearly intelligent, why don't you find
like a nice company to work for, to let you give them some creative
ideas or whatever, and let yourself stop dealing with shit like this
bar, things like dealing with my buddies.
Honey:
Daddy issues?
Sir:
What, was that too far?
Honey:
It's pretty presump-
Sir:
Ya know, I don't give a shit if it's too far, cuz it's fucking true.
I'm so sick of these fucked up girls feeling bad for themselves just
because something sorta bad but also just sorta normal happened to
them. Big fucking deal. Bad things happen, you don't get to fuck with
people's heads just because you think it's justified
Honey:
Someone's been hurt
Sir:
Um. Yeah, um, what? um excuse me for that.
Honey:
You don't have to feel bad about it.
Sir:
I just, I know your type of girl, and I just think that you've a long
way to go
Honey:
Dude, sir, um, whatever your reason for being incredibly personal and
forward with me tonight does not give you the right to assume
anything about me or to try and make me feel bad about anything. I
already know what you have to say anyway, that being smart and
pretty, why wouldn't I take a stable job that pays me well and get
married and have children so that I can perpetuate the cycle of man
as we spiral and spiral and spiral. Sorry to break it to you, dude,
and I'm sorry some mean, broken girl artist or whatever broke your
heart, really I am.. but someone's gotta break it to you... you're
the asshole you're warning me about.
Sir:
Well I don't think that's an appropriate thing to say to someone like
me.
Honey:
and who exactly are you?
Sir:
Excuse me?
Honey:
I mean, why do you get to come here and tell me any way to think. I
can pretty much guarantee our lives have been pretty fucking
different, sir, and just because you made the choices you made and
that has somehow bestowed a certain societal status for some reason
on you (well, money and normalcy, mostly)... well I'm sorry, that
does not give you any right to make some blanket statement about all
girls who have their noses pierced. And it's the fucking assholes
like you who are gonna try to tell me that what i'm doing isn't good
enough because you see me here, just making some dumb fucking money
so I can live in this city. And newsflash, asshole, I triple majored
in college, overloaded every single semester, did extracurriculars,
graduated in four years, magna cum laude. Okay, so working in a bar
is actually a pretty great break for the ruthless academic and
performance based schedule that I'm used to. Plus, I have a whole
bunch of pursuits and projects that I spend every moment that I'm not
here consumed in. Okay, so don't try to tell me that I should have
gotten my accounting degree so I could live in a fucking
character-less house and live a character-less existence. Enjoy your
office, enjoy your fucking DVR'd television shows every other night
and enjoy your happy hour drunken confidence. Worry about yourself
okay, stop thinking you know so fucking much and fucking nut up.
Dude. Get it together and pursue what it is that makes you happy.
Don't do it for that average bitch you've been sleeping with who you
think you could stand to marry, don't do it for parents who will die,
but not until you spend a whole bunch of time doing shit you don't
want to do, and don't do it directionless, cuz that's just lazy...
but why not just fucking go for it. Just go for it, okay? Why is that
so fucking difficult for everyone? All you motherfuckers earning your
big fucking money so you can impress whoever the fuck you think needs
impressing with a boat or a vacation or something fucking meaningless
so you can all sleep at night never paying any goddamn attention to
fucking anything. Fuck all you assholes, fuck the society you've
created and ya know, if you can hear nothing else from what I have to
say... at the very least, just keep your hands to yourself when you
come out for fucking well whiskey after work.
Sir:
umm, Honey
Honey:
Sir, excuse me for that... um, I'm sorry..Really, genuinely I know
you were just trying-
Sir:
That was um, offensive Listen, I..
Honey:
I cannot apologize enough, sir, I was completely out of line, I'll
pay for your meal or your tab or whatever. You clearly just hit a
nerve with me, and it was very inappropriate, again I'm sorry
Sir:
Well, I mean, you got me thinking...
Honey:
Oh, uh really?
Sir:
Well yeah, you uh, you said a lot there and um
Honey:
I was just talking just generally, ya know...
Sir:
Well, and I think one very clear came out of this whole thing...
Honey:
Yeah, uh, tell me what you think
Sir:
Looks like someone needs to get laid
Honey:
Excuse me?
Sir:
Yeahhh baby, what do you say
Honey:
um. Fuck this. I have work to do, asshole.