A
Cardboard Box
A
girl, in her mid-20s, on a comfortable bed in a room with some choice
pieces, like.. it's decorated. Eccentric but nice. She sits up with
much care, and in a split second prepares herself for a performance.
She stands and takes on the stance of an actress taking on the stance
of a girl in her mid-20s.
Ya
know, i'm kinda dizzy
sometimes
I get dizzy. And it's not cuz of drugs or alcohol cuz I used to get
dizzy well before I put anything but my mom's homecooking in my body.
I didn't use to party and then I partied.
And
ike even before I got dizzy
I
gotta stop stressing out
I
gotta
i'm
always like woah, dude, settle down you're nuts
cuz
sometimes I feel nuts
and
then when I start thinking about it i'm like yo you're obviously not
nuts because you're thinking about being nuts and haven't you ever
read joseh heller's catch 22? it's about these like soldiers who have
to fly planes in world war two and they keep trying to get out of it
by saying that they're crazy but if you say you're crazy, obviously
you're not crazy, so you don't get out. It's a catch 22. a infinite
cycle.
Anyway
so then, that's when I know im not nuts
I
did a big project on that book my sophomore year of college.
College
was fun. Right and then i'm supposed to be like, oh I wish I could go
back to college. I wish that I was happy with my life like I was in
college, even though in college there were a lot of fucking rules and
lot of regulations and stipulation and pressure... I sure wish I had
to go back to that just so I didn't have to ya know, be an
independent thinker or independent at all. Or whatever.
But
there's a lot of power and a lot of beauty in imagination. A lot. I
hope I never ever ever ever lose the power of my imagination. Cuz
like, it's powerful. I think i'll never think of nothing more
depressing than not being able to play with your imagination and let
that make you happy. That's really my one wish. And my next would be
to help us solve all these rules... ya know?
Guh,
I just get upset by the rules, ya know? Like a lot of the rules. I
mean, I could address the big big ones, or just the big ones that
really hurt the people of this country
I
mean, for example, if I don't pay the right group of people a certain
amount of money, they can just about arbitrarily decide if i'm
allowed to get a procedure, or some medicine to help me be physically
well....or maybe it's not covered and you have to pay for the whole
thing
or
maybe you're just a normal hard working intelligent educated middle
class white girl, you don't get insurance without a whole lot of
hassle and whole lot of money.
… had
you stayed in your tiny mid-west town and got knocked up a couple
times and fucking got fired from the grocery store or
whatever...well, you and your kids will be completely covered.
And
listen, man, I am not saying that we should not have compassion, shit
happens, don't get me wrong... i'm just saying there are regulations
and fucking whatevers that make this the case.
And
I'm really not looking for handouts, but I don't think it's right
that someone like me who is working and working just to pay bills,
give our arbitrary paper to someone else so they can do fucking
something and whatever and the people who that something probably are
given more arbitrary paper... and actually, wait a second, it's not
EVEN paper anymore. It's numbers. Numbers on a screen. If I had a few
more fucking numbers on the computer, I would probably get my back
checked out cuz it hurts pretty fucking bad because of my extra
vertebrae or my sports or bad posture or whatever I don't care, i'm
just saying it hurts
ohh,
ok, so sometimes i'll get going like that when I start to talk about
college. It's not college that makes me mad. It's, ugh, the coffee
shop boy pointed out that I told him I was stressed out multiple
times in like five minutes. Why am I so stressed?
Cuz
i'm out of my mind
nah
guys just kidding. We talked about this. Joseph Heller?
I
do know that I came here tonight with no intention of explaining why
I wasn't crazy... cuz I realize that you'd probably worry that this
person is probably crazy... but really I just wanted to talk about
it. Cuz it's easy to think a lot of things about a person before you
know a lot actually about this person. Especially an outspoken
person... and just as equally a shy person
or
a happy person or a sad person
lots
of people have had like, nothing happen to them
sure
but
even more people that you realize have gone through some pretty big
stuff
and
this is when i'm supposed to say so don't judge me or something like
that, right
well,
here's the thing...no. Judge me. Please cuz i'm gonna judge you, and
then after I judge you, I'll assume something about your personality
because of an action I witnessed or heard recounted... no, fuck you.
That's how perception happens. So you'll judge and judge and judge
and then your perception will alter and change and morph you into
someone that should be around, someone worthwhile to have around...
and you're still gonna find out new, huge, insane things this person
when through. Stuff you never even thought about. And then you'll
learn. A lot. And you'll start to forgive things, ya know
And
you won't like everyone. That's not the game.
Some
people... you'll just want to fucking punch in the face
And
it's not cuz of this or cuz of that or whatever, I mean all that
stuff influences it, of course
but
like, oh god sorry I got distracted again.
I
don't know, you guys. I really don't. But like that's kinda fun, ya
know?
Anyway,
I hope you enjoyed my little performance, I know it wasn't much but
maybe you had a nice time and you can remember a nice time at the
theatre after you go home. I dunno.
And
this is the curtain call:
(knock
knock knock)
MOM:
Ummmm, honey.... who are you talking to
all
of a sudden, the girl's outfit comes into perspective, her
surroundings come into perspective, and with a little theatrical
magic, we realize we're watching a little girl playing pretend
she
looks at the audience and smiles real big